Last day of 2009

Happy New Year's Eve!

I have so enjoyed being a part of this community of people on a journey to a healthier lifestyle and slimmer self. You all have played such a huge role in my success, developing confidence and transformation both physical and internal! I cannot thank you all enough for your support, comments and care! I have expressed so much this year in this blog, which I never thought I would ever be capable or willing of doing.

I would like to take a moment and look back on this past year in the realm of personal growth. 2009 will go down in my personal history as the year when I started coming into my own. Not merely because of significant weight loss, but because I allowed myself to fully experience and actively seek personal change: To allow myself to think differently about myself. I am not that awkward and extremely self-conscious person anymore. Sure, I still have many things to work on in 2010 and for that matter, all the rest of my years. However, for the first time in my life, going into a new year I actually feel different as if being on the brink of the rest of my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but past years I felt as though I was merely changed due to the natural passage of time and not because of my desire to make that decision.

I am excited for 2010 and all the work still to be done! As I looked back on my resolutions it seems that what I really want to focus on this upcoming year are relationships. Relationships between myself and my dear children, my loving husband, my much loved extended family, people I work with and people passed by just in daily life. Making these relationships positive and of utmost importance will be my mission and delight! I want to challenge myself to do the best I can in this realm. I want to remember perfection is not the goal or even a reality, but rather simply caring to reflect on not only my mistakes but also my accomplishments, and to either correct or embellish these realizations will go a long ways to making me a better person.

2010, here we come!

photobucket.com

“Boldog új évet kívánok” in Hungarian, or for short, “BUÉK!” means "I wish you a Happy New Year!"

Etsy.com

I just ran across this website and started going through the countless examples of vinyl wall decals. I am in love! I just adore them! I have been driving myself nuts thinking about what I am going to do with my dining room and living room area (remember the picture of my Christmas tree) and now I have a clearer idea. Our house is very modern looking with clean lines and wide open spaces. My dining room is huge and that burnt orange wall has been giving me trouble. So, check out the following sampling of a few of my favorites (not necessarily just for my dining room, but I might just get crazy with this idea). Lavenderdiva I will be extremely interested in your opinion since you have such expertise and an eye for this kind of thing. :)

Check out etsy.com for yourself! These decals are surprisingly affordable, too!













Some of my favorites for a child's room. I am thinking of buying some of the bird decals on their own for starters to add to the tree I painted for my youngest daughter (since I never got around to painting some in): If wishes were horses


This along with other designs by this designer are actually made of fabric and the child can take them off and on to dress the little girl! So cute!

Aren't they just fabulous! I just love the pristine color and distinct style!

Goodnight you all!

Just a little peeved!

I am going to try and not be extremely irritated this morning. I got on the scale and I can't really tell, but either there was no movement from yesterday or even a small gain! The scale gave me all these wacky readings and I am just so upset almost to the point of throwing up my hands and calling it good. However, I just sucked it up and took a dose of HCG this morning. Hopefully, the scale will be kind to me tomorrow.

I am starting out at 146.0 + or -. I am not going to update on my weight until I reach 139 and then I will proceed to give updates until I hit 135 or less. I just don't want to focus on the weight vs. days, you know. I just need to keep my head down and push myself. I need to do this more for me rather than the number on the scale, because I am getting so incredibly discouraged! I can't end now. I am above the weight I supposedly ended with last round!!!! I could just scream!

I will continue to read and comment on all of your posts and post what I can here and there. Wish me luck, I sure am going to need it!

quote of the moment

After I wrote the following post I thought about my most favorite quote, which I have carried with me for many, many years. Just thought I would share.

I shall pass this way but once, any good therefore I can do; let me do now. Let me not defer nor neglect, for I shall pass this way but once. -anonymous

2010...

New Year's Eve is rapidly approaching. 2010... you are coming whether we are ready or not! It seems like yesterday when it was turning 2001, the year I graduated from high school. How is it time flies by so quickly? I feel like I have been asleep or something. This new year has me thinking. This will be the first new year that I will not have the following on the resolution list:

1. Lose weight (whatever it might have been)

Yes, I still have weight to lose, but it has fallen from my priority list! What an exciting prospect!!! Now my energies can be focused onto other equally and perhaps even more important facets of character building. This morning I was so completely depressed with my obsession of thinking about my weight. I was almost repulsed by the fact that my thoughts have very rarely deviated from that stupid scale. I just don't want to think about it anymore, and yet I do. It almost gives me comfort to know I can now have control over something in my life, which I never thought possible even if it won't give me a break. I can't seem to relax and start thinking about other things, because it is apparent my weight will always need my watchful eye and I am just going to have to find acceptance. However, it will become less and less of an issue as the months and years fall away as I maintain the slimmer and healthier me.

This new year is just an opportunity and excuse to start focusing my energies elsewhere, or rather finding a balance between weight and world peace. (Once again cheesy, but I wanted another word that started with a "W." I don't know how you all put up with me. haha! :))

What is it that I would like to try and accomplish this year?

1. Become a better mother. I want to be better and better- the best I can be! This is the greatest and most important feat of my life and sometimes I forget this. They need me to at least give it my all. They deserve this! I need to practice patience and better parenting practices. But, most of all my father-in-law said this to me, "One thing I wish I would have done more as a young father is say yes to any request made from my children for me to spend some quality time with them." I am going to try and keep this in the back of my mind always. It is so simple and yet means so much.
2. Become a better wife. There are so many things we can do to improve our most treasured relationships and yet I find myself putting them off until tomorrow and tomorrow never comes. I am not really sure as to the steps I am going to take towards doing better in this role, but I want to look into it.
3. If I have something loving and caring to say to someone I love, I will say it! This year I have had reoccurring threads of thought which echo the words I said in relation to the loss of Mattie- "Live every moment as if it were your last."
   
4. Put more time and effort into Raving Real Estate.
   
5. Finish my children's book writing venture and see if I can produce something of quality.
6. Exercise more- run a 5K or more than one!
   
7. Read, read much more.
8. Make my faith and practice a priority, because when I do the things above fall in line naturally.

I am sure there are things I am forgetting, but for now this is my list. I look forward to you, 2010! I will leave you with these adorable, sequined New Year's Eve dresses. One year I would love to buy a dress as such and wear it to a New Year's party. Perhaps next year! :)

PS- Don't you just love the version of Auld Lang Syne on my playlist. I just love it! Makes me reminiscent and romantic feeling.

Click on this picture to enlarge and go to website where these dresses can be found.


This one is not sequined, but I thought it was beautiful- love the color!


Oh, and just because I forgot to post earlier. I am starting HCG tomorrow morning. I did not lose as much as I was hoping for and thought I would give it one more day. I weighed in at 146.o pounds this morning. Cross your fingers for a larger loss to get me a little more ahead going into this last big push! :)

So I ran...

{If you have not already, read the post directly following this post first to gain insight into this post.}

The day after Christmas I bundled up in my coat, wool mittens, purple snow hat and running shoes. I needed to get out and move my body. I needed to breathe fresh air. However, I did not know I was inadvertently searching for a place where I could feel. I needed to let myself grieve the loss of my dog in this place...

There is some back story I need to reveal first. After I became pregnant with my first daughter we moved into town along with Mattie. After my daughter was born, all of the sudden Mattie was not the center of attention. She was not happy with us and it broke my heart. Fortunately, my parents-in-law who I have the great pleasure of knowing and loving loved Mattie with all their hearts and were happy to take care of her, which was perfect because we could still see her and take her from time to time. And I knew she was happy and well taken care of. I wrote on my other blog the following a month or so before Mattie died:

"Mattie has been with us over the holiday (Thanksgiving) and it has been so fun to watch Amelia and Mattie (kind of reminds me of when I was a bit younger and more apt to play with my dog:)). They have been going out into the backyard and enjoying the snow and sun. I love all the windows looking out into the backyard, because I can keep an eye on her without going outside myself (Faly has been pretty sick lately and I haven't wanted to take her out)... We miss Mattie so much, and I am glad to see Mattie take a liking to Amelia (even if it is a little too late :)). For those of you who do not know, I got Mattie as a little, tiny puppy when I was still in high school... She is such a wonderful dog! Mattie was not very happy after we had Amelia and moved into town. She needed space and complete attention from her human caretakers. Mom and Dad are her sole owners now. Mattie is happy in Colorado Springs with Grandma and Poppy."

I am so thankful we had Mattie for almost a complete month before she died. If I had not had this time with her losing her would have been far much more difficult for me. It was only about 5 days after being with us and returning back to Colorado when she died. I cried here at home, but had not yet released the emotion I had while being in Colorado for Christmas. I could see her as if she was there, but she wasn't and it was so strange to have a Christmas without her laying her head on my knee at the table or watching attentively as the girls ran around and enjoyed the excitement of the holiday.

...So I ran. I ran up the steep slopes of the mountain loop near the house. The cold air pierced my lungs and burned my eyes and throat. I pushed on as if chasing the apparition of my dog. I could see her darting off of the road into the forest and then returning back to me, smiling. I reached the peak of the road where it then started its steep decline. I stopped short at the look out. The sprawling city and never-ending expanse of land and sky stretched out before me. The landscape was so large it seemed as though it could without hesitation swallow me up. Thoughts of her, my parents, sister and other past loved relatives streamed into my mind. I bent over and cried. I had to divert my eyes from the vastness of the landscape to keep from feeling like she was gone and the universe and world was so enormous how could I ever know where she was or even go wherever she happened to be when the time came.

I don't believe in heaven and hell from the Christian standpoint. I believe those life conditions along with others all exist in every moment of life and which one manifests depends on our fluctuating and non-static life condition: The Ten Worlds

I do however, believe that life is not over once we finish this lifetime. Life goes on forever with no beginning and no ending, our life goes on forever. Depending on our causes in this lifetime and the connections we make we can draw strong relationships between our beings back into different lifetimes. Have you ever met someone who you thought you knew before? Have you ever had a connection with a loved one that seemed so strong that it could not have possibly only developed in this lifetime?

Being a Nichiren Buddhist I believe the past, present and future are all wrapped up into the moment- the here and now. It is life at this moment that is of the greatest importance, not death. I find solace in this. I am not waiting for some eternal place of bliss or damnation, which either exists or does not. The existence of these places are not convincing to me also. I do not want to go to a place that has to be non-changing due to its very nature. A place where certain people are left out because of a lack of certain belief in this world. I could go on, but this really is not meant to be a post on spiritual belief, but rather a post on the complexity and inevitably of loss.

Allowing the emotion of losing my dog and the connections associated with her to flood over me like a raging river was an incredible experience. An experience of honoring her memory and respecting my need for her along with the realization that life continues after losing presences we before could not imagine life without.

Sorry, everyone- I guess when the floodgates open they really open. :) I really needed to write these posts. Thanks for reading.

Mattie

Good morning my faithful followers. I am back and I apologize for my long absence. I guess I just needed a break over the holidays. Thank you for your patience with me and thank you lavenderdiva for your concern over my absence. :) I so appreciate your comment.

Let me start with a scale update. I held steady at 142.2 pounds for quite a while and then it all just kind of went to pot. I started a "planned interruption"on Christmas Eve. I did not weigh myself until this morning. I am up to 147.8 pounds this morning. A gain of 5.6 pounds. :( I decided I didn't really care and I was going to allow myself to enjoy all the joys of Christmas food. I told myself that I was not going to wake up one morning and be 180 pounds again, so why not? I am not that broken up about my gain. I still feel like I look amazing and furthermore I have a plan. I am doing a steak day today and then tomorrow I am starting HCG again. I am going to persist until I reach 135 pounds. I don't know if I can do this, but I am going to give it a try. I don't really understand a planned interruption and if any of you can offer help I would very much appreciate it. :) Do you have to load again, is it alright that I will have gone 5 days without HCG?

Now, let me proceed to a more somber topic. I have struggled to write this post, as I have not been able to form the words. I have not posted since the 15th of December, as you all very well know. My dog died on the 18th of December. She was going to be 11 on the 14th of February, Valentine's Day. She probably had a tumor near her heart that grew and grew over the years and eventually bled out. She did not suffer and she went quickly and quietly.

Her name was Mattie. She was a Border Collie/Australian Shepard mix. She was beautiful, smart, well-behaved and loved by all who met her. I got her as a small puppy back in '99. I was a Junior in High School- still living at home with the parents I talked about earlier. I trained and showed her in 4-H and other dog shows. She won many ribbons, trophies and plaques.

I suppose the pain of losing her has been hard for me not only because of what an incredible dog she was, but also because she was really the last connection I had between my old life and my new. We shared a common knowledge and understanding of where we had once been and where we now were. She was there for me during a very tumultuous transition period in my life. She was the dog who was rightfully mine, but who I had to steal back from my parents. The dog my parents were holding from me and over me. If I had not taken my husband's advice and drawn from his strength to make the drive with him to my old home to retrieve her I wouldn't have had the great pleasure of being with her during the last years of her life. But, most disturbing if I had not taken her back, and she remained with my parents they would have never had the decency to call me about her death.

Mattie is really the initial reason I am with my husband today. The reason I have the beautiful family I do. The reason I learned of my parents true nature and unwavering pride. The reason for my change in world and religious view. The reason my whole life has changed... I was looking for an apartment that would allow me to have my dog with me as I finished the final years of my college career. I called the phone number on a FOR RENT sign in a window of a beautiful home. My husband turned out to be the landlord and owner. He fell in love with me at first sight. I did not end up renting from him, but instead ended up starting a whole new chapter of my life the day I met him.

She will live on in all of our memories and stories. Dogs loved like she was loved are never just a dog, but something more. It makes me think about how precious life is. We only have this moment to love and make sure those in our life know we love them.

Live every moment as though it was your last. -unknown



This past summer my daughter showed her in a little dog show. They won the whole contest with the title of Best in Show and Most Adorable Pair! She still had it even in her old age. :) I just love this picture. She was one of those dogs who actually smiled.

The last photos I have of my dog were around Thanksgiving. My daughter loved taking her out into the backyard to frolic in the snow. They were just so adorable running around in the snow together and then they would flop down together and she would pet her for awhile. She acted young and happy clear up until the end. :)

Apple & Cheese Day!

Go to this blog to read about the Apple & Cheese Day: Less of Me

This is so incredible and I just want to say thank you, thank you to Less of Me for the wonderful discovery you made and for generously sharing the information! I am so excited for P3! :)

April 14, 2011

I would just like to add additional information here.  I have noticed this is the one post that is the most read and searched- so there is obvious interest.  There are additional Correction Days once you begin P3 (Phase 3- the 3 weeks following your last day on HCG).  Go here to view additional correction days.  Among my favorite is the Chicken Day and the Egg Day: here is a post I wrote when I discovered these Alternative Correction Days.  Love the alternative options available which work just as wonderfully as the Steak Day!      

Day 19, Round 3

weigh in: 142.2 pounds
loss of: 0.6 pounds

Not a big release, but still in the right direction.

Thank you to you all for your comments yesterday. I really needed to get that all out. I appreciate immensely the wonderful people surrounding me in real life and on here. :) You guys are awesome!

Day 18, Round 3- On the tenth day of Christmas

weigh in: 142.8 pounds
loss of: 1.6 pounds

Yahoooo! Lost it all- again. My true love is in my good graces again. :) I really need to concentrate on moving forward to those 130's. I don't want to ping pong around at this weight, that is for sure! Only 8.8 pounds to go to reach my mini goal of 134 pounds. Stay focused, stay focused!

Thank you all so much for the encouragement yesterday and the nice comments about my tree and orb light. ;)

So, here is a little more on the story I started yesterday. I have been disowned by my parents and sister. Initially, it all started with just the fact that the man I was dating was Buddhist. I met my husband 6 years ago. My parents are fundamentalist Christians (which I had no idea of growing up). Now, that I look back on it, it does come clear. We didn't belong to any specific church, because none were correct enough or strict enough. Anyway, they were not having it anyway at all that I would want to be with anyone of a different faith.

In the beginning of my relationship with my husband, they took my horse, tried to take my dog (I eventually got her- but had to take her back myself), emptied my bank account (my mother was still on my account at that time), tried to break into our apartment (we did move into together after about a year of being together) and steal all of the heirlooms I have received from my great-grandmother and great-aunt, tried to send me anywhere I wanted to go as long as it was far away, tried to demonize my husband and threaten me with hell and not being able to go to heaven to be with them in the afterlife, my father actually physically assaulted me (and as he had his hands around my neck he said, "You would be better off dead.")- and then later tried to get into a brawl with my husband... oh and broke into my own apartment and read my journal, etc... the list goes on!

I am finally at the point where I am able to let go to the extent possible to not cry every day or think about it everyday. I miss my family. I wish they wanted to be a part of my family (my Dad has never met my youngest, and my oldest we had to practically force her on him when she was 2 months old). It still and will always hurt, but I am just glad it has reached a point where I feel like I have done everything possible and within my control to allow them to be a part of our lives.

Just recently my father got into a terrible motorcycle accident and it was touch and go. My family and I rushed over to the hospital he was flown to to be with him. Later when we were talking with my mother about the situation, because when he finally came out of it he didn't want to see me. She asked, "Why have you come over anyway?" I replied, "Well, because Mom it frightens me that he could die and the last time I saw him was almost 3 years ago (he removed himself completely from the situation for a long time) and I never had the chance to tell him I love him. Wouldn't you do the same if I was close to death?" She looked me straight in the eye without hesitation and said, "No, no I don't think I would." Even after that about 3 weeks after he was home I still went over alone (at their request) to see him. That visit went well (and my mother stayed away), but everything is back to how it was. They haven't asked me to return, or to come over to our home, or to have all of us come over or anything. We are just supposed to give and give and they don't have to put in any effort. My father was extremely rude to me the last contact I made with a phone call on his birthday this past August just a few weeks after our supposed "good" visit.

Oh, and at the visit to my old home to see my dad that is when I was introduced to HCG. My mother she asked me, "So, when are you due?" Yep, my own mother said that to me and then proceeded to tell me about HCG and how she had lost 23 pounds or something. I am just glad I didn't brush her off, because she has a terrible way of getting people excited about something that could help them. Her judgmental nature and sadistic leanings towards me always come out during these times. Even to this day I have wrote her a couple emails to merely thank her and reveal to her my success. She acts almost mad that I have accomplished such success and am happy and confident about my body for really the first time in my life.

Okay, sorry why do I tell you all this? I am not exactly sure- but it felt good to just kind of spew it forth and just let it be. It is what it is. I have a beautiful family who love me and who I love dearly in return. My parents-in-law have embraced me with open arms from day one. In addition, my family except for my immediate family and one aunt still love me and want to be around me and my family. I really don't know what I would do without my Grandma (mother's mom) and my other aunt (mother's sister). I just love and appreciate that they judge me based on me: she is still the same "Cait" (everyone used to call me that growing up) we have always known and loved.

I will leave you with our family Christmas photo- my focus now, my reason for living, my reason for loving, my reason for enjoying life.

Drawing

This goes out to the readers of my hometown. Only two more days to enter the contest/giveaway for Christmas. If you know the correct address of the above drawn home you could win a drawing of your very own home! Go to the following link for more information:Raving Real Estate

Day 17, Round 3- On the eleventh day of Christmas

... my true love gave to me a whopping 1.6 pound gain! Thanks a lot! :)
weigh in: 144.4 pounds
gain of: 1.6 pounds

OMG!!! You guys I am freaking! This sucks! Seriously, I had way too many carrots and crackers with spinach dip last night. :( I have no self control! We had friends over and it was so much fun, but I sure did pay for my insufficient will power. My body was not sensitive for the first 10 days, because I did eat off of protocol here and there around the Christmas party especially and still lost, but boy, oh boy is my body telling me to cut that out!

Dang, I am set back, but it is not the end of the world. I will still make my goal of 10 pounds in the next 12 days. I WILL! I WILL! I WILL!!! I am not backing down and even if my body doesn't allow me to lose that much in the next days, I will still be proud of myself- IF, and only if I put in the effort necessary to feel good about myself. That means no more cheating.

Got to keep going! I do feel better than last round though. I don't feel like quitting, which was exactly how I felt last round. I just feel disappointed in myself, but not to the point of punishing myself and getting completely down about it, but rather my disappointment feels like a motivator: I can and will do better!

Thanks again to you all for all your cheers! I really do dislike writing these setback posts, but I guess you can't have the glorious highs without these dips. I am glad that my last post has hopefully helped a few.

Here is a picture of our Christmas tree. We have a crazy house that looks straight out of the 70's or something, and we have done no remodeling in this part of the house so ignore the burnt orange and brown scheme. :) Oh, and you can kind of see the orb light fixture above our dining room table- real retro!
Oh, and just on a side note: I didn't realize that the 12 days of Christmas actually begin December 26th and go through January 6th. It is a misnomer that they are the 12 days before Christmas. But for my purposes I will start from yesterday and go through the 24th. :)

I would also like to initiate the beginning of a bit more information about myself. I am not a Christian. I am a Nichiren Diashonin Buddhist. I grew up Christian and about 5 years ago I started realizing I was taking an interest in my husband's faith. I started practicing and then studying and I converted. Now, I am sure among other questions you are wondering why we have a Christmas tree. We respect the dominant culture we find ourselves in and also respect our own personal desires. Both my husband and I grew up celebrating the winter season with decorations, gatherings and food (of course). I love this time of year! I love to decorate. I love that for centuries humans have used this time of year to have celebrations that warm the heart and which break up the winter months. Anyway, more to come on the topic and if some of you find that you are done following me, that is fine although I hope and am finding more and more that most people do judge a person on their character not the faith they have chosen for themselves.

TMI

The next topic may be TOO MUCH INFORMATION! Now before you get your hopes of hearing about something interesting let me just clear it up early- this post is going to be about bowel movements. That's right. Don't read on if you don't want to be grossed out. :)

This round has been awesome in the area of BM's. My first two rounds were not very comfortable and kind of annoying. Constipation was the dominant state I found myself in. But every now and then I would have those irritating bowel movements where it just won't all come. I would drink a cup of Smooth Move tea that would just tear up my insides and make me sick. You get the idea- no fun! During this round I am consistently taking those supplements I mentioned before and it has been amazing! (see post Third time is a charm) I have those big, all-in-one movements all the time, with no effort. It just happens! I have also weighed myself before a BM and after and during this round I can expel up to 0.8 pounds after! That is a lot! My first couple of rounds it would be 0.2 to 0.4 pounds at the most (and most the time I would gain after? Who knows?). So why do I put you through all these disgusting visuals? Well, it is my hope that by offering my experience it can potentially ease another person's experience. I would completely suggest finding a good supplement and taking silicae! Love it! It is amazing how being constipated can really make you feel yucky. But no more! And that makes me very happy...

Day 16, Round 3

weigh in: 142.8 pounds
gain of: 0.2 pounds
total release :) of: 12.4 pounds

I am disappointed, but I know why I had a slight gain. (I hope after a BM- see post above perhaps I will have a loss after all.) Not enough water and not enough sleep. I stayed up with my friend chatting and trying to complete a few drawings. I love spending time with her and she is such a wonderful friend!

Also, I think Hormonally Changed Gal (I don't know if you want me to use your real name or not :)) is coming back today!!! Can't wait to catch up! Hope you had a lovely time!

Lost vs. Released

I was just thinking this afternoon about the words lost and released in conjunction with weight loss. Many of you use the word frequently and I haven't really thought about it until today. I really love the idea of weight released. If you think about it, weight lost kind of sounds like, "Okay, it is lost for now, but what if I find it again?" Lost, is rather a negative word. Look to this link to read briefly on the definition of lost: freedictionary.com

Released, brings up connotations of "let go" or "offered up" or "set free" or "relieve," and my favorite synonyms "relinquish" or "liberate." Here is a link for the definition of released: freedictionary.com

I think I will start using released more.

I have released 12.6 pounds during this third round! I have released a total of 37.6 pounds since my beginning weight.

Day 15, Round 3- I am back!

weigh in: 142.6 pounds
loss of: 1.8 pounds!!!
total loss of: 12.6 pounds in 14 days!!!

Okay, people! I am back! I was so proud of myself yesterday and was just hoping the scale would reflect my efforts and it sure did!

I will update later on today, got to run!

Update: The 3 W's! Wake, Weigh and Water! See post below. Thank you so much helderheid and lavenderdiva! I will keep you posted as to how it goes if and when I have another episode. I think it is brilliant and I very much appreciate your advice. I love this blog and the network I have immersed myself in, because it seems like whenever I call out someone or multiple people are there to give me encouragement and support. Thank you! I can only hope to return the favor whenever possible.

Also, I would like to mention what I ate yesterday. I made the same thing for lunch and dinner. Loved it that much! I made a meatloaf kind of thing. I put some lean ground beef with one egg and a crunched grissini breadstick (with some parsley and basil). I baked it for 20 minutes. Oh, and I even put some ketchup on top and baked it for an additional 5 minutes. I had some celery with the meatloaf, too.

Yesterday I thought I needed to do whatever I could to not want to cheat and if that meant not really following protocol to a tee then that is what I had to do. Fortunately, it worked and gave me the momentum I needed to push through. It just has been so cold here and I am so sick of the same chicken and hamburger I have been eating. I wanted something flavorful and warm and this was the ticket! Oh, yummy!

Day 14, Round 3- 14 days of Christmas

weigh in: 144.4 pounds
loss of: 0.6 pounds
total loss of: 10.8 pounds

There are 14 more days until Christmas. I have already come 14 days (when this day is completed). I have lost an average of 0.8 pounds a day. I am happy. However, I know I could have done better and therefore that is why I am setting a short term goal, even though I said I would not. I want to lose at least 10 pounds in the next 14 days. That would land me at 134 pounds. I will see how realistic this goal is in the next couple of days, but I just feel like I need to give my mind something to focus on. I feel like I am getting a little lazy and wandering from the path here and there. So this is the goal: 10 pounds in the next 14 days.

Also, I would like to discuss in more depth my issues. I know you all are so excited! :) I am a food addict, plain and simple. I have a problem and I am learning to deal with it, however I do have those days when it all goes to heck. That gain of 2.2 pounds, well that was due to the fact that every now and then I get these incredible urges at night. I will half asleep/half awake wake up in the middle of the night and eat for the sake of eating. I ate a ton of chocolate chips and sundried tomato and basil wheat thins. I ate cheese and walnuts, too. It is a terrible feeling when I am in these "trances," for lack of a better word. I feel completely out of control and all reason goes out the window. Why do I have these spells? I am not exactly sure. If my memory serves me well I think it started after I had my babies. You are up a lot during the night in those early months. I started eating during the night after feeding the baby and she had gone to sleep. I have come a long way, because my food of choice before, I have to disgustingly admit were Oreos. I know slap me now! And I wonder why I was fat?!

How do I conquer these midnight urges? I guess, keep doing what I am doing. Each day get farther and farther away from that person I used to be. Set a goal. That is why I chose to bring out the goal at this point. I need something to help me get through the upcoming days and I am nervous I might have another night like the one described above. I don't know if a goal will at all help, but it did during my first round and so I am hoping for the same during this round. I need to keep pushing myself and not give in or give up. I can do this! Only 10 more pounds to go after I reach my short term goal. And once I hit my short term goal that will give me a couple pounds wiggle room going into the holiday.

Anyway, that is my logic and we will see what the next few days bring. I need to build up some momentum.

Read this post!

Christy in Seattle wrote an excellent post on hidden fats in restaurant food, but more frustrating in most parts of the United States nutritional information is not made readily available for many major restaurant chains. We need to demand for the very least, and that is to be able to make ourselves informed consumers. I never even thought about asking a restaurant for that kind of information, because my friends you might be shocked and perhaps walk out in disbelief about all the fat unnecessarily cooked in the menu foods.

I don't ever want to be fat again, and if this is to be the case it gives me great comfort to make myself increasingly aware of nutrition and foods to avoid whether that be restaurant food or the food I buy to prepare. I owe it to my two little girls- to not only set an example, but also help them set good habits that they can hopefully carry into their adult lives.

Day 14, Round 3

weigh in: 145.0 pounds
loss of: 1.8 pounds (since yesterday)
total loss: 10.2 pounds from post load weight

The past days I have been kind of all over the place. I lost 1.4 pounds from my weight on Day 10 (see post below) and then gained 2.2 pounds (yesterday weigh in) and then loss 1.8 for this morning. (If that made sense?) Days not accounted for were small losses and only had a gain yesterday (huge gain!). I was kind of shocked and definitely kicking myself, but I think I am back in control.

I feel pretty good all things considering, and just need to focus and keep telling myself to try and not have any more huge setbacks again. Slow and steady wins the race! I guess I just get caught up in the fact I still have 20 pounds to go and I want it all to be gone overnight. That is not going to happen and I must accept and embrace the trek ahead through these last 20 pounds I have to lose. I can do it! We all can do it!

Warm wishes to those of you stuck in a snow bank and warm wishes even if you are not. :) I got all my Christmas decorations up and I think it turned out quite lovely (not as lovely as the work of lavenderdiva ;)- I just LOVE your decoration style, just beautiful!!!) I will post pictures later! Until then...

Day 10, Round 3- Little black dress...

weigh in: 145.4 pounds
loss of: 1.0 pound
total loss of: 9.8 pounds

It has been a crazy past two days. I am not really sure what all happened, but I am still down regardless of not being strict to protocol. I went to a craft night where there was a wonderful sampling of casseroles and I had some (a very small portion mind you, but still). Last night was our annual Realtor Christmas party. We had such a good time and I ate prime rib and fruit and some corn (I resisted the starches!). I would like to take a little more time to discuss the party, because for the first time in my life I wore a black strapless dress. I felt amazing! I was cleaning my downstairs closets last weekend and I came across an old bridesmaid dress. I never wore this dress. I was to be in a wedding 6 months after I had my first daughter and I was so much larger than I had ever been in my life. I brilliantly, ordered the dress 3 sizes too small thinking I would work hard to lose weight to fit into the dress. I must have been insane! I would have had to lose 35 pounds!!! I know this because I just tried it on for kicks and it fit perfectly!

I want to share my new found love of alteration! This is the dress before alterations (I just had it shortened to right below my knee): I look weighed down and not as skinny as I really am, but...

Here it is after!!! A completely different dress! I got a beautiful party dress for the cost of $30 in alterations. (Sorry, I didn't want to take the time to set up the tripod and the mirror is pretty dirty with little kid hand prints :)). I think I look pretty darn amazing!


I found these adorable shoes downtown! Love them!

I have a collarbone and shoulders!!! :)

My handsome date! ;)

Cutting a rug! My husband and I danced and tried to remember the West Coast Swing dance we learned a few months ago, but to no avail. We have fun anyway! I also got to dance some western swing with our friend and fellow Realtor. I haven't danced that dance for years and it was so much fun! My husband got some shots, but unfortunately my camera doesn't do so well in low light.


It was so wonderful to have people notice how differently I look since last Christmas, but more importantly it was how I felt this year- confident and beautiful! No girdles, uncomfortable self-conscious tugging at my dress or rearranging in the bathroom- just fun and enjoyment of a night out in the company of my husband and friends.

Happy Holidays! December has officially begun! :)

Day 9, Round 3

weigh in: 146.4 pounds
loss of: 1.0 pound
total loss of: 8.8 pounds in 8 days!!!

Pretty... pretty... pretty good! :) Any, Curb Your Enthusiasm fans out there, will get that. :) I was so happy to see that loss today. I think it is more irritating when you do everything right and don't see much of a loss than when you know where you went wrong and can remedy it if you choose so. On those days little comfort can be had with understanding that it is normal and to be expected.... Anyway...

Lunch: hamburger patty cooked with onion, and an orange.
Dinner: chicken tenderloin with orange on spinach.

I will write more later!
Have a great day everyone!

Day 8, Round 3- Peanut butter

weigh in: 147.4 pounds
loss of: 0.2 pounds
total loss of: 7.8 pounds

I told you weight loss would inevitably come to a screeching halt. Don't worry we are just at a stop light and the light will turn green soon and I will hit the gas. :) Cheesy, again! :)

I feel great this morning, regardless! I feel like I did a really great thing yesterday. I talked with one of my comrades, Hormonally Changed Gal (Thank you, thank you!) about how I was having an urge for peanut butter. I took her advice to plan a cheat and do it mindfully. I ate a tablespoon of peanut butter, deliciously slow and consciously. I ate it and moved on. I felt in control and when that is the feeling- then a 0.2 loss does not bother me. I felt like I needed to do what I could to not guilt myself, punish myself or deny myself. I am in this for the long haul and so I can't go full fledged into self sabotage. I think it did the trick, because of how I feel this morning. Ready again to stay true to protocol!

So, don't feel like you are a failure if you have cravings. If you can thwart those without giving in that is wonderful, if you can't fully squash those yearnings do it in a way that does not defeat you, but rather helps you. Thank you again for the support!

Keep your head down

Here is a little encouragement from WeightWatchers.com that I thought was pretty neat. The last portion of this segment about peddling a bike up a hill I thought was a very good analogy to keep in mind. Whether you have many or few pounds to lose we can be creatures of immediate gratification and can get discouraged when it doesn't come off fast enough.

Here is the link: Success Stories

Day 7, Round 3- Still a good loss

weigh in: 147.6 pounds
loss of: 1.2 pounds
total loss of: 7.6 pounds


Lunch: chicken tenderloin and chopped apples on spinach
Dinner: hamburger cooked with chopped onions and celery, and an apple

I drank a complete 3.5 liters yesterday! Along with a couple cups of tea...

Still a good loss and morning weigh-in has been my motivation through these days (and needs to be throughout my last round)! I need to do the absolutely best I can during the day and then whatever the number on the scale pops up I can still be proud of myself. :) As we all know, who have been on HCG for any length of time, as long as you stay true to protocol even if you have a day with low losses or no loss at all it doesn't mean things aren't happening. I am glad this round I am not just thinking it is all butterflies and buttercups, because if you aren't prepared for a slow than you will most definitely be disappointed. HCG is not completely magic, just partially. haha!

Measurements

Measurements are in! I have no idea why I didn't do these at the beginning of my journey?! :) (Thank you to my husband for helping me get all the following measurements- so much easier when someone else can help you!) For those of you who are contemplating taking HCG I would suggest taking measurements. It just adds to how much your body really transforms- at least that is what I have seen from others!

weight: 148.8 pounds

arm: 11 1/2"
chest: 37"
waist: 30 3/4"
hips: 38 1/2"
thigh: 22 1/2"

I have never measured myself in my life so it was kind of interesting to see the figures. I don't have a really defined waist. I was kind of disappointed to see it hasn't dipped below 30 inches. However, I am happy that I am pretty well proportioned when it comes to hips and chest. Wish there was more in the chest area. haha! Can't wait to see what happens over the next weeks!

Day 6, Round 3- Return to 140's

weigh in: 148.8 pounds
loss of: 2.6 pounds
total loss: 6.4 pounds in 5 days!!! (I count the load days, because without them I couldn't have lost 6.4 pounds in 2 days of VLCD! :)).

Back into the 140's, oh yeah! Can't believe I let myself move out of the range, but what are you gonna do? :) I am feeling really quite well so far- no headaches!!! *Knock on wood* I think this is due to the vitamins I am taking this time around. That is really the only thing I have changed so far(besides taking 3 load days instead of 2).

Yesterday we all went sledding! Too much fun!!! It was a good little exercise to add to my day and we all had such a wonderful time.

Lunch: orange and apple (we were sledding and it happened to be over the lunch hour- I just drank a ton of water and had these two fruits)
Dinner: chicken tenderloin (I tried this cut of meat last round and LOVED it! It is much more tender and juicy than chicken breast- duh. :) It is white and lean enough that it doesn't seem to affect my weight loss drastically.)

Thanks so much to you all for following my story and encouraging me along the way!

Happy losing!

Day 5, Round 3- Oh, sweet days...

weigh in: 151.4 pounds
loss of: 3.6 pounds (In one day!)
total loss: 0.6 below starting weight (I will add the total losses from post load from here on out.)

Oh, sweet days of early VLCD! I will miss you I am sure, but for now I will cherish you! :) :)

Lunch: White turkey, oranges on a bed of spinach (dressing- see post below... would totally suggest getting this! It is already making my life so much easier.)
Dinner: poached eggs (1 whole egg + 3 egg whites), spinach and apple salad (dressing)

Drank water, water, and some more water (need to up it a bit, though). Also, a couple cups of green tea.

Day 4, Round 3- Three load days

weigh in: 155.o pounds
gain of: 1.2 pounds
total gain: 3.0 pounds

I went ahead and did a third load day. Yesterday morning, I felt as if I could just go on with VLCD, however a couple hours after I wrote my post yesterday I felt increasingly hungry (which is not what I have experienced with my other rounds). I started loading around 3 pm, but I did get in a lunch on protocol: white turkey and apples on a bed of spinach with Pounds and Inches Away Vinaigrette Dressing. I am so glad I bought this with my purchase of HCG, because it is so good!

diyhcg.com

I am so excited for today and I feel great! I am in this for the long run and I am so glad I took an extra third load day. Here we go!

Day 3, Round 3- What?!

weigh in: 153.8 pounds
NO GAIN!!!
total gain during round 3: 1.8 pounds

I ate a ton!!! I mean I really overdid myself yesterday and no gain! What in the world is going on??? Two possibilities: My scale is broken or the exercise I did yesterday outweighed my food intake? I don't know?!! I am just going with it and get on with the very low calorie diet today. To tell you the truth, with all the leftovers it is a little difficult, but not when I think about the loss that will occur tomorrow and the days following. At least I hope so and my meager gain over the past two days will not hamper my ability to lose over the next days and weeks...

What are all of your opinion's on the situation? There is still time to load up today, but I really don't want to.

My Thanksgiving dinner turned out great... way too much food, but I would call it a success! :) Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Thanks in advance for all your suggestions!

I just looked back on my last round and I only gained 2.4 pounds during load days. That is only 0.6 pounds more than this round- not that round 2 is any benchmark???

Day 2, Round 3- Thanksgiving

weigh in: 153.8 pounds
gain of: 1.8 pounds

This morning I woke up at the crack of dawn (4:30 and there was no crack :)) to prepare the stuffing and put the turkey in the oven. Growing up both of my grandmothers made it seem so romantic, as if something magical happened in those wee hours of Thanksgiving and Christmas morns. However, I am here to tell you there is no magic. This is what has to happen when you buy a 22 pound turkey. It has to bake for 9-10 hours, and you better wake your lazy bones up that early if you want your guests eating on Thanksgiving day and not the day after. haha!

In all honesty, there is still magic occurring during those hours. It felt wonderful, and at such an hour for me, if that was the feeling then there definitely had to be something swirling in the air. :)

I also wanted to comment on this observation: As I was lifting, cleaning and wrestling the 22 pound turkey I had acquired- I thought about the fact that I will have to lose the weight of this 22 pound turkey and then some to reach my goal. You don't really think about the actual weight you carry around until you are faced with a cumbersome and heavy 22 pound turkey, eh? haha! Furthermore, it is one thing to think about a 22 pound turkey, but then think about the actual 22 pounds or more of pure fat so desperately in need of release. Let me just say 22 pound turkey again, because I don't think I said it enough... 22 pound turkey. :) Sometimes I crack myself up! :) :)

Now on a serious note, I am thankful for:

• My two beautiful, healthy, happy darling little girls!!! I love these two more than I thought possible.
• My loving, humorous, intelligent and crazy husband who takes care of us so well and loves us all dearly.
• My family. Although, we are far when it feels like we should be near we will be thinking of you all this year.
  
• My home.
• My health and the health of my loved ones!!!
• and, HCG. I am thankful to at least not be bound by the constraints of my own weight and insecurities in this realm of my life anymore, and never again!
  

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Third time is a charm

weigh in: 152.0 pounds

Ya, ya... didn't do so great maintaining. :( 5 pounds above lowest weight. However, seriously- 5 pounds extra is so much better then I could have ever done on anything else. Got to look on the bright side right. ;) Hopefully, with a clean round this time maintenance will prove more manageable.

My cold is mostly gone. Yay! My back is still hurting so badly!!! I can hardly bend over and I have to sit down to pick up my baby. I tried stretching and doing some yoga last night. My back felt better before bed, but this morning it is right back to how it was. Today is not going to be so much fun- with all the cleaning, standing in kitchen, running around and laundry- which is in the basement. :( Oh, well because I am sitting here with my first dose of HCG for ROUND 3! It is going to be a knockout!!! And, you know what they say, third time is a charm! I am getting all cliche. My apologies. :)

I still have to get a measuring tape (seems this town is all out) and a water bottle that will be my main provider of the necessary weight loss aiding liquid. Other than that, I hope the vitamins I got won't affect my weight loss. I picked up a product from Solaray called Adrenal Caps and a multi-vitamin and mineral made by Life's Fortune. I am also taking homeopathic silicae, which helps hair, nails, skin and even regularity. So far after taking it for just a few days my hair loss has slowed and my nails are starting to grow stronger again. We will see what happens!

Happy day before Thanksgiving, everyone!

Here are some pictures and ingredient lists of the products I mentioned above if anyone is interested or happen to know if these may inhibit weight loss while on HCG.

Adrenal caps

Ingredients - per 2 capsules:

Adrenal (Bovine) 340 mg

Proprietary Blend: 435 mg

Siberian Ginseng (Eleutherococcus senticosus) (root)

Licorice Root (Glycyrrhiza glabra)

Gotu Kola (Hydrocotyle asiatica)(whole plant)

Clove (Caryophyllus aromaticus) (flower)

Other Ingredients: Gelatin (capsule)* 100% natural homeopathic: Calc.Phos.3x, Ferr.Phos.3x, Kali.Phos.3x, Nat.Mur.6x.

Life's Fortune- multivitamin and mineral

Click to enlarge

Silicae

Preparations

I completed my grocery shopping for Thanksgiving dinner this afternoon. I am taking a break from cleaning my home and thought I would make a quick post. I am so excited, because this will be the very first year of my grown life that I will be preparing the dinner all by myself. I hope I was paying attention all these years of being an assistant. :) I will post some pictures of the feast. (Oh, and thanks Autumn Rose- I am going to use your green bean recipe. :)). A fun day of Thanksgiving preparations and R3 preparations (because I will be eating all I can of the yummy food :))! Yipee!

I hope my cold is mostly gone by tomorrow. I have just been pushing myself through the day, because I really do just want to sleep. And, my lower back is killing me! I have no idea what I did, go figure?! It has been a good day, regardless. :) I will leave you with the following picture. Thought it was pretty neat (or crazy!- these adults brought a little child out onto the ice of frozen Niagara Falls). Anyway, although Thanksgiving is in a couple days my leaf and fall colored decorations don't seem to fit amid all the snow and cool temperatures. Christmas decorations are soon to make their annual debut!

Niagara Falls 1911- Although it is not unusual for the falls to receive snow, it is rare for the falls to freeze.

Sorry, once again...

Check this link out for information on all the nonsense that is put into makeup. :( Nothing can just be, it has to be reinforced with all sorts of nasty chemicals, preservatives and cancer causing products: aolhealth.com

Okay, anyway onto the pressing subject of an update, finally! Sorry, once again to everyone- if you are getting annoyed with my sporadic posts and floating start dates I don't blame you! I am getting annoyed with myself too. :) :) I am starting on Wednesday (seriously ;)). We are having a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at our own home this year (my first year preparing such a dinner all by myself! Yikes! ;)). Since my starting date was pushed so close to Thanksgiving I thought I would just give it a little longer and start on Wednesday. I am going to be doing this third and final round for an undetermined length of time and so I need to feel right when at least starting out. It is important for me to commence round 3 when I feel absolutely ready. There have just been some things which have compromised my confidence like thinking I was pregnant, time of month, trying to lose a couple extra pounds, getting a head cold (woke up this morning feeling kind of stuffed up- hopefully it won't last very long), etc... that has made me continue pushing out the start date.

Maybe I am just making excuses, but one way or another I am not starting this round to merely start this round. I am doing it when I am good and ready. I know I can do this. I have a weight goal for this round. 125 pounds! :) I am not stopping until I reach that goal. Thank you to chipmunck for pointing out the obvious. It is not wise to have a weight and time goal, they almost never coincide. You need to choose: what weight do you want to achieve, or how long do you want to be on HCG and diet?

Until Wednesday! (or sooner if I have anything else of importance to say...)

Thank you to you all for the support as I get geared up for this round!!!

Not Pregnant!

Yes, folks that was the reason I was holding off from starting my third round. I thought I might have been pregnant, but I am not! I took two tests, both read "Not Pregnant." (+ and - signs confuse me apparently. haha! :)) I was really worried because I was having several symptoms like I experienced previously with my other two pregnancies and I was late. I got my period though and so now I can relax a little and start my third round!!! I mean, we would have been happy with being pregnant, but not this soon after my second and besides I want to enjoy my new, slim body for a little while. :) :)

So sorry to keep everyone in the dark and make it a big, huge mystery. I didn't want to reveal my worries because if I had been pregnant I assume some people in my life would be upset that my bloggerworld friends knew before they did, you know? :)

So on with it!!! Yay! I think I will start this Saturday? Depends on my flow, because although I started my previous rounds at the start of a period I think I will hold off a couple days. Also, I mentioned before that I was having difficulty stabilizing my weight. Well, I am. I soared up above my lowest weight by 5 pounds and have been bouncing around in that range. :( Don't do a poor round!!! That is the lesson! I am doing a steak day today and strict dieting until Saturday. We will see what happens?

Happy day to you all!

Hello!

Long time no blog! We have been away celebrating an early Thanksgiving and birthday. But I am back, and I have to at least fill you all in a bit. I did not start my third round on Saturday, because of some issues which arose that has made me reluctant to start. I will keep you all posted when I know more about the whole situation. I am still so excited to do this third round, I just can't yet. I am doing just fine, though! I have been exercising and eating well. My weight is not that stable, however and I attribute that to a poor second round. I will get things lined out and hopefully get on to round 3 soon and have an easier time during maintenance once completed. It just is not a good time to begin right at the moment. Maybe I will know more in a week or so?

I am eager to catch up on how everyone has been doing and I will be in touch!

Remainder HCG

I am in the process of writing a list of things I need to get prepared before I commence this final round and in the process I came across the topic of remainder HCG. I have a little HCG remaining from my last bottle (approximately 4-6 days???). So, my question to myself was should I finish up my last bottle or just start with the new. My almost immediate response: I am starting with the new! That old bottle is jinxed. haha! I have said before, "I am not a superstitious person typically, but when it comes to dieting- I damn sure am!" haha! I am going with the new fresh start and riding that for all it is worth.

I will post my list soon and it is exciting to not just go into this round half-assed, but rather care about setting up the best possible situation for myself.

Goodnight and happy losing to you all!

Wait a minute, Mr. Postman

No waiting for me! It is here! My HCG that is. :) I am so excited and so nervous at the same time. I just can't fail. I won't let myself fail!

So, the fun begins Saturday!

Reality check

My first round was so unbelievably and relatively easy. I went into round 2 thinking, "Oh, it is no big deal! I will lose an average pound a day, no problem!"

I lulled myself into a false sense of security. I know this round is not going to be easy. I will still have the cravings and the overwhelming urges to eat. I won't lose a pound or more everyday. I will have downs. I WILL HAVE UPS! The "up" I am going to concentrate on is 127 pounds (or less :)). I am not confused or in denial as to what I have to do for this round to be successful and meet my goal. Round 2 was my reality check. You can't just slide by unscathed by the psychological pitfalls of dieting and expect results. You must accept that they are going to happen and bolster yourself in preparation for those moments, which will hopefully help thwart a full onslaught of self-sabotage. Although, the HCG diet is the easiest thing I have ever ran across, it is still a diet and you must put in great effort and focus to be successful.

So, bring it on! I am ready!

It's final!

I am doing it!!! I just ordered my HCG and I am going to start Friday!!! I am so excited, you guys! I can't wait to do this thing. :)

Here is my affiliate button with DIYHCG. I have bought two bottles of HCG from this company and this will be my third! I have received my HCG within 3 days every time and I am even more excited for this third bottle to arrive than even my first!!! YAY!




I was down 1.6 pounds this morning after a steak day yesterday. So, I am just working on getting down in weight for Friday!!!

Hope you all are doing well and I am so excited to join you all who are on the protocol! We can do this!!! Jeez, there sure are a lot of exclamation points in this post. haha! :)