Monday, December 28, 2009


Good morning my faithful followers. I am back and I apologize for my long absence. I guess I just needed a break over the holidays. Thank you for your patience with me and thank you lavenderdiva for your concern over my absence. :) I so appreciate your comment.

Let me start with a scale update. I held steady at 142.2 pounds for quite a while and then it all just kind of went to pot. I started a "planned interruption"on Christmas Eve. I did not weigh myself until this morning. I am up to 147.8 pounds this morning. A gain of 5.6 pounds. :( I decided I didn't really care and I was going to allow myself to enjoy all the joys of Christmas food. I told myself that I was not going to wake up one morning and be 180 pounds again, so why not? I am not that broken up about my gain. I still feel like I look amazing and furthermore I have a plan. I am doing a steak day today and then tomorrow I am starting HCG again. I am going to persist until I reach 135 pounds. I don't know if I can do this, but I am going to give it a try. I don't really understand a planned interruption and if any of you can offer help I would very much appreciate it. :) Do you have to load again, is it alright that I will have gone 5 days without HCG?

Now, let me proceed to a more somber topic. I have struggled to write this post, as I have not been able to form the words. I have not posted since the 15th of December, as you all very well know. My dog died on the 18th of December. She was going to be 11 on the 14th of February, Valentine's Day. She probably had a tumor near her heart that grew and grew over the years and eventually bled out. She did not suffer and she went quickly and quietly.

Her name was Mattie. She was a Border Collie/Australian Shepard mix. She was beautiful, smart, well-behaved and loved by all who met her. I got her as a small puppy back in '99. I was a Junior in High School- still living at home with the parents I talked about earlier. I trained and showed her in 4-H and other dog shows. She won many ribbons, trophies and plaques.

I suppose the pain of losing her has been hard for me not only because of what an incredible dog she was, but also because she was really the last connection I had between my old life and my new. We shared a common knowledge and understanding of where we had once been and where we now were. She was there for me during a very tumultuous transition period in my life. She was the dog who was rightfully mine, but who I had to steal back from my parents. The dog my parents were holding from me and over me. If I had not taken my husband's advice and drawn from his strength to make the drive with him to my old home to retrieve her I wouldn't have had the great pleasure of being with her during the last years of her life. But, most disturbing if I had not taken her back, and she remained with my parents they would have never had the decency to call me about her death.

Mattie is really the initial reason I am with my husband today. The reason I have the beautiful family I do. The reason I learned of my parents true nature and unwavering pride. The reason for my change in world and religious view. The reason my whole life has changed... I was looking for an apartment that would allow me to have my dog with me as I finished the final years of my college career. I called the phone number on a FOR RENT sign in a window of a beautiful home. My husband turned out to be the landlord and owner. He fell in love with me at first sight. I did not end up renting from him, but instead ended up starting a whole new chapter of my life the day I met him.

She will live on in all of our memories and stories. Dogs loved like she was loved are never just a dog, but something more. It makes me think about how precious life is. We only have this moment to love and make sure those in our life know we love them.

Live every moment as though it was your last. -unknown

This past summer my daughter showed her in a little dog show. They won the whole contest with the title of Best in Show and Most Adorable Pair! She still had it even in her old age. :) I just love this picture. She was one of those dogs who actually smiled.

The last photos I have of my dog were around Thanksgiving. My daughter loved taking her out into the backyard to frolic in the snow. They were just so adorable running around in the snow together and then they would flop down together and she would pet her for awhile. She acted young and happy clear up until the end. :)


  1. I'm so sorry for your loss! I firmly believe that we are drawn to certain animals for a reason ... that they are soul-teachers.

    Your Mattie was a beautiful girl!

  2. Oh Caitlin! *HUG*

    I lost my cat last year after 12 years together and though the pain isn't constant, it never goes away. I am so sorry for your loss.

  3. Loss of any kind whether child or pet is so personal. As well as the grieving for them. No one can tell you how or how long you should grieve. What a beautiful story about what your pet also brought into your life. Seems we both had a time of grieving during the same week.

  4. Oh I forgot to add that when I did my interruption although not planned but done anyway I didnt reload and almost have lost everything I had gained that week in 2 days. So chill you will do fine. :)

  5. Big Hugs!

    I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the story, it really warmed my heart.

    Pets that are loved, become less animal and full family members. They are so special!

    I'm happy to hear you and her were able to spend time together!