Day 11- Difficult but satisfying

weigh in:  176.2 lbs
loss of: 0.4 pounds

Total release to date:  14.0 pounds

That good ole' time-of-month returned.  I was getting used to no period since I haven't had one since February of last year and since Paine was born- pregnancy and all.  But here it is in all of its glory and thus the slow down in weight loss (at least a loss, though- got to look on the bright side).  

Dieting can be difficult, but it can also be satisfying!  This is so true!  When you are in the midst of feeling like weight loss is not going as you hoped or that the task ahead seems so daunting it can be so difficult to continue pushing through.  Remembering the sweet taste of success and how it feels when you conquer your urge to just say, "Screw it, who cares!" is the satisfying part that keeps me going.  I love it when I get through a day that seemed it would never end (or end with me completely submerged in a bucket of ice cream :)) and come out the next morning on top of the world feeling so proud and happy for myself. 

This round I am actually maintaining my resolve pretty well and I haven't had the debilitating, frustrating and seemingly uncontrollable urges I have experienced in the past.  However, I have had thoughts of just jumping held long into that jar of peanut butter as I smear the delicious spread on the pieces of bread making sandwiches for my girls.  Sometimes I think this would be so much easier if I could just go somewhere far away all on my own away from all the temptations and necessities of the other people in my home.  But, the fact is at one point you have to return to reality and it is in the choice we make ourselves better not the denial or removal of all forbidden foods.  

I also, kind of had an epiphany or rework in thought, for myself last night as I soaked in my epson salt bath that I will write about shortly.  I think it will help me get through to the end of 46 days and beyond.  We will see!    

Hope you all are well! 

Day 10- Didn't expect that!

weigh in:  176.6 lbs
loss of:  2.0 pounds

Total release to date:  13.6 pounds in 9 days!!!

Wow!  Like I said- didn't expect that!  I took all the kiddos sledding yesterday- my husband unfortunately has a deadline to meet and couldn't come with us.  So, perhaps the extra calorie burn helped?  Anyway, this is great and I just hope to keep it up! :)  I will leave you with some pictures from the day... 

 The three sledders.

Perhaps next year Paine will be up for more sledding, but for now he was content with a nap. :)

Day 9- Patience

weigh in:  178.6 lbs
loss of: 1.2 pounds

Total release to date:  11.6 pounds in 8 days (day 9 not yet complete)
Average loss per day:  1.5 pounds/day

I think it is interesting how my mind works- I keep thinking I will be out of the 170's and into the 160's tomorrow.  Somehow magically I will lose 10 pounds in one day. LOL!  I have to remember although this is amazing weight loss it isn't instantaneous and it takes time and patience.  But, oh how I already feel a ton better!  My skin is clearing and not as itchy.  I am starting to fit back into some things (have no idea how I fit into those size 12's awhile back???- it must have been the combination of quitting nursing while maintaining the amount of calorie intake and start of birth control?  I am not sure, but I gained a ton in a short amount of time from the time I wore those jeans).  

I have tried twice the following and it is not on protocol, but I have had considerable loss regardless (had it for lunch yesterday).  So just know it is an alteration and deviation from strict protocol and not really advisable.  I took the acceptable 1 full egg plus three egg whites and rather than poach them as directed- I scrambled them and cooked the eggs in a little coconut oil.  I put in chopped onion, garlic, salt and pepper and it is so delicious!  I know I probably should not, but oh my I love them!  I have done it when I felt my resolve wavering and needed something different and warm.  I usually do not have any grissini the day I choose to eat this and limit my fruit to a small apple with each meal.

Until tomorrow!        

Day 8- "I think I can"

weigh in:  179.8 lbs
loss of: 0.2 pounds

Total release to date:  10.4 pounds

Well, I hit the 170's albeit just barely, but I'll still take it. :)  Stalls and even gains are inevitable.  Just need to push through.  I am starting to experience minor mental cravings.  Still not physically hungry- it is all mental!  Do I want it badly enough?  Even if I do, can I exert the will power necessary to be successful?  "I think I can."  Can't wait for the downhill roll chugging, "I though I could!"  

Hope you all are well!
Happy HCGing!    

Day 7- It is a function of 10

weigh in:  180.0 lbs
loss of:  1.8 pounds

Total release to date:  10.2 pounds!

Don't get me wrong I am so happy to be over the 10 pound loss mark in 7 days and 5 days of VLCD.... however, I laughed at the scale this morning.  Every time I get to the point of transitioning into another lower 10 pound bracket- the scale likes to play with me.  Nope, sorry not today you got to wait another day (or two- sometimes it likes to creep down or bounce up just to mess with me further).  Let's hope the latter does not happen tomorrow. :)  I talk of the scale as it is sentient... lol!  

Just thought I would put a little tip out there that I am finding very effective this round.  I dose all three times during the day while I am cooking for the other members of my family.  This not only helps make the 15-20 minutes go by faster (to get better absorption), but it also prevents me from having any cravings to try just a bit of whatever I am making for the other non-dieting people. :)  

Anyway- until next time!  Hoping to hit 170's tomorrow!   

Day 6

weigh in: 181.8 lbs
loss of: 1.6 pounds

Total loss to date:  8.4 pounds in 6 days!

Pretty darn good so far!  I am feeling better and better too- detox can be a, you know what. :)  Soon I will say goodbye again to the 180's.  I am getting there.  Just got to keep focused and determined.  

Hope you all are well and I am still trying to get a post completed, but it is a little difficult with 3 little ones. :)

Good day to you all! 

Day 4 & 5- Oh, yeah!!!

Day 4
weigh in:  187.4 lbs
loss of: 2.6 pounds

Day 5
weigh in: 183.4 lbs
loss of: 4.o pounds


Total release to date: 6.8 pounds!!!

I love this!  I can actually feel it too- well I guess if you can't feel 4 pounds of pure fat shed from your body in one day then you wouldn't be very observant, but regardless this is awesome!  I was worried about the lower loss yesterday, but I guess it all evens out anyway in the end.  I have a post I want to write that hopefully I can get up soon- because Day 3 was hard and I have things I would like to share... so until then!

Happy HCGing!  

Day 3- Start of VLCD

weigh in:  190.0 lbs
loss of: 0.2 lbs

I took a detox bath last night- so I wonder if that explains the slight drop in weight?  Anyway, we'll see what happens! 

A new HCG blog to follow!

Hey!  I would like to just give a shout out to a new follower of mine and her blog.  Check it out at A HCG Diet Blog.  We are all here to give our support and encouragement!  Go Karyn!  And, thanks for following my journey, too!  You are going to do great!   

Day 2- some things are better left unposted...

weigh in:  190.2 lbs
gain of:  2.6 lbs

Oh my word- seriously you guys I am kind of freakin' out about this whole number on the scale (10 pounds extra then last time I started).  Even if I lose 40 lbs in 46 days I will still only be around 150!  I keep trying to convince myself this time I will have even more impressive before and after pictures to show for all the work I will have put in...  And then I took my before pictures this morning and almost passed out.  I definitely will wait to post them for fear of giving you all nightmares. :)  haha! (Baby weight looks completely different then just extra weight... I am pretty flabby all around)  So, that is why I think some things are better left unposted until a later date- it will be easier to post these before shots with the after photos.  This may seem completely vain and ridiculous to some, and you are probably right.  I wish I was a better woman in this regard.  

So, as of now I am going to look at the number on the scale as merely progress and nothing more.  You have to start somewhere and you can't be afraid of that place, because it will be a distant memory soon enough.
 

Tomorrow the real work begins! 

 

Day 1- Here I go again!

"And I've made up my mind,

I ain't wasting no more time

Here I go again..."

This will be my theme song, but I won't be alone and I know where I am going because I know where I have been.  Okay, completely cheesy, but what did you expect- too much Rock Band perhaps? :) :)  That really is how it was this morning, though- I just started, decided I wasn't going to stall anymore and that today was the day.   

Anyway, I took my first dose and weighed in and I am frightened!  I am almost embarrassed to post, but here it is my friends:

weigh in:  187.6 lbs  *sad face, sad face*  but, it is what it is and all I can do is move on- I was not able to even come near controlling my weight this pregnancy either.  All three times I have soared up over 200 pounds.  It is crazy, but true!  Oh, I can't wait to get some of this weight off!

 

I am going to do some measurements also and take some better pictures to get the full effect of what is going to happen to my body over the next 46 days.  That's right I am planning on a full 46 day round.  So today and tomorrow are the dreaded load days.  I have only had one doughnut this morning and I am already about ready to puke.  This is not a good sign. :)  No, I am dramatic, but I seriously dislike this part- but just so people new or contemplating this diet understand... DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP!!!  Not that I have ever done so, but I know of people who did not heed the warnings and didn't last very long or have very good results.  

Day 23 will be the 12th of February and Day 46 will be the 7th of March.  If all goes as planned, I will be down to a reasonable weight and closer and closer to my ideal weight by summer!  I am seriously so excited!  I wasn't just one day ago, but now that I am writing this post and actually jumping in- I just can't wait to start seeing that scale drop and start feeling great again!!!  Oh, and dumping ALL those maternity and big clothes once and for all!!!  

Thanks to you all again for following me through my pregnancy and now back to my weight loss story!  Your support means the world!  Here I go again!   

What I wouldn't give

I wrote this post for my private family blog, but thought I would share it here also...  I will update soon about my weight, etc... I got my HCG in the mail and will begin shortly!  I am both excited and not so excited.


I miss nursing.  Am I healed, because of at least a short while of breastfeeding bliss?  Did I give it my all?    

The truth is the sting of defeat is still sorely felt. 

In the past couple of weeks I have researched and revisited what went wrong again with the support and understanding of my midwife.  On day 7 she directed me to pump after Paine did not weigh in at a safe measure and was having barely indistinguishable wet and dirty diapers.  I sat there in the company of my doula and pumped a measly 1/4 oz. out of both breasts.  We were discouraged to say the least.  I cried.  But, he is such a good nurser!  

Nature had again played a cruel trick.  I expressed my dismay as I noted all the measures I took to ensure success this third and final time.  

I had a natural homebirth for one (just minutes after I had him he latched and suckled- amazing!  I thought for sure this was it!).  I set up nursing stations (rocking chair, side table for water, nipple cream and other needed supplies).  I read and read even books that made me feel awful about not nursing my girls (I almost hated those books, but I read them anyway, because what was done was done and all I could do was try harder this time).  There was not a single bottle or package of formula to be found in my home.  I started drinking Mother's Milk.  I started supplementing.  I ate wholesome and for the majority of the time organic meals provided by my generous support system.  I had the support of awesome friends and health care providers who care deeply about breastfeeding.  

And, here I was yet again not being able to feed my own baby.  Even though the pain of not being able to provide wonderful milk for my baby was not near as devastating as it was with my girls (because I had no help or support then, and did not do everything possible)- it still hurts and I was getting sick of defending my every initiative and eventual defeat.    

My breasts are defunct.  This is the hand I have been dealt:  it is called Insufficient Glandular Tissue  or Hypoplastic Breasts.  It is rare and not always easy to detect.  I would have to get a sonogram to know for sure (because I have typical looking breasts), but the signs I have experienced is no noticeable change in breast size, etc during pregnancy or puberty and obviously little to no milk supply.  I do not have the physical obvious characteristics of these types of breasts: 

"There is one exception to the rule about breast size/shape and breastfeeding ability, and that is that few women have insufficient glandular tissue in their breasts. In other words they simply don't have enough milk producing cells, and these women can then experience milk supply problems. This condition is called breast hypoplasia or hypoplastic breasts."  

All About Hypoplastic Breasts

Here is another article that I found comforting and informed:

The Risk of Invalidating Moms Who Say They Can't Breastfeed

Breastfeeding is not easy, but oh what I wouldn't give to have my milk just flow and fill my baby's belly to satisfaction.  The fight is tiring.  It should not be so difficult.  And yet, it was.  My experience with Paine was exceptionally better and I am so happy to have experienced this incredible bond with a baby who would take what little I could give him while being bottle fed in conjunction.  The actual nursing this time (unlike with my girls) was not agonizingly difficult nor downright impossible- I just couldn't provide the amount necessary to sustain him exclusively.  And yet I can't help but feel cheated with a huge amount of loss and guilt.  

I just read the blog of Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom (and would put the link here but it is not uploading.)  Check out my facebook page or this link peaceful parenting.  Anyway, the picture of her nursing her baby boy is just beautiful!  He was 9lbs. 12 oz!  She had him naturally after a long labor.  I thought 8lbs. 11 oz. was big! :)  Although, I was not able to breastfeed I am an ardent advocate. 

Cherish your nursing time with your baby, as I will remember the moments I had.  The only regret I have now is I feel I should have tried harder to maintain the little I did have, but it is too late now and with three little ones I did the best I could... and that is all I can ask of myself.  I am now looking into Eats on Feets and contemplating this prospect.  Your opinions on the matter would mean much to me! :)

In closing, I would just like to say someday I will move on and forgive myself and my body, but for now it is what it is.  I can say, at least the moments I had nursing Paine are ones I never took for granted- and there are few times in my life I can say I appreciated, embraced and treasured every instant completely for I knew the time drew near when it would end.  

 I hope my children know how much I love them.  I will continue to do everything within my power and capability to do the best for them.  I am proud of my home birth and not circumcising my son.  I am proud I try to give them the best of me and teach them to love themselves, others and life.  

I am proud of trying to breastfeed.        

peaceful parenting: Lizzi Miller: The Beautiful, REAL, Woman on p.194

peaceful parenting: Lizzi Miller: The Beautiful, REAL, Woman on p.194: "antithesis I am large in my skin I make no apology This belly grew three babies Why should it be flat? It curves with the memory of the wom..."

Need some help with a question...

I am contemplating getting a little more long term birth control option called: Implanon

It is inserted in the fatty tissue of the arm and has hormones similar to Mirena IUD.  I know birth control does not seem to affect HCG diet results, however I just wanted to ask the opinions of my fellow HCGer's about it since it is implanted (and costs a considerable amount upfront).  I would hate to get it and then have trouble losing.  Anyone out there with either experience or expertise who can help me on this issue?  

Thank you! :)  Getting closer and closer to starting up a round of HCG...  

update:  I just ordered my HCG from http://www.hcgcompletediet.com/   Decided I would try out a website with more competitively priced HCG.  I bought 2- 4oz. bottles of HCG for $90.  Pretty good deal, and I am going to be using all of it, I am sure!  

Weigh in, of a different kind

Paine turned 8 weeks as of yesterday and today we went down to see my midwife for our final visit. :(  So sad, I am going to miss her so much.  We will be in touch from time to time I am sure.  Paine weighed in at 11 lbs 11 oz.  He sure likes this whole 11.11 gig... :)  I thought of you, Clarity when she told me the weight: "eleven, eleven." :) :)

Anyway, sure enjoying the little guy and he is just so darn sweet, I can't get over him... a few days ago he started giggling.  Love it!  

I am preparing to start up HCG again soon:  making orders, brushing up on protocol guidelines and mentally preparing.  I am getting serious! :)  So, my friends I will be joining you all on protocol and maintenance again soon.  

Happy HCGing!  
Until later...