Saturday, May 21, 2011

Amusement park

Say you are visiting an amusement park.  You are standing at the front gates surveying the scene, deciding which rides look like a hell of a fun time.  There are crazy, ridiculous rides you know you would lose your lunch riding.  There are rollercoasters, spinning, gravity defying rides, fast drops... and then you see one in the distance- a flat tracked rollercoaster.  No ups, no downs, no turns, no zigs, no zags, no spins, no nothing.  You think to yourself, "Who in the hell would want to ride that boring ass ride?"  (Well, perhaps minus the curse words. :)) 

Whatever struggles we have in our life whether weight related or not are our own.  We own them.  We live with them.  We fight, cater, deny, love, hate and hopefully learn through them.  No one would choose the easy, lame boring ride.  Sure we may think that would be nice sometimes, but ultimately if given the chance we would take the Death Defying Tower of Doom- or whatever anyday.  So, although I am up 5 pounds (yep, I have let myself go- for the time being :)) I am not going to panic.  I will not get off this ride to mill around the grounds watching people enjoying rides as I feel sorry for myself holding a funnel cake in one hand and a bat of cotton candy in the other.  I am going to embrace this part of the rollercoaster and get through it and have a blast doing it!  Of course, I am disappointed in myself and upset that I am back at the weight I was around Easter!  But, it is what it is and I have made the certain choices to get here, and therefore have the power to retrace my tracks and get back to the 140's.  Without these downs there is no possibility to experience the thrills of the highs.   

Okay, I take it all back- Can I please, please have the easy ride?  Make me 125 right now, and for permantely forever!  I wouldn't mind a nice, easy, slow, predictable- the breeze gently blowing my hair kind of ride............! Absolutely, just kidding! :):)
Take care my friends... enjoy the ride! 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

do, go and be...

By just eating more to the un-HCG diet I stayed at around 149.8 for 2 days.  Yesterday I was up to 151.4.  This occurred because of that poisonous sugar factor. :)  I ate some cookies and ice cream.  So, yesterday I ate a higher-fat diet: lunch- celery with peanut butter, 3 eggs with cheese and butter; dinner- steak cooked in butter, some red potatoes baked in butter and seasoning, asparagus with hollandaise sauce.   YUM, YUM, YUM!!! :)  Lovin' the fat!  I know that sounds insane, but everything starts working and feeling better!

This morning I showed a 1.6 pound loss.  Now, I am not really trying the diet out yet.  I would still need to get a glucose monitor, blood tests, take measurements (awesome results, Jen, btw!)  But, just realizing that I have been feeling poorly because my body is really starving and actually needs a healthy amount of saturated fat, protein, fiber and carbs has really helped.  The past 2 mornings I have woke up with energy and ready to go for the day.  I don't feel so foggy or drowsy.  

Also, an additional comment.  After my first 3 rounds before Paine- I did feel great and felt I looked great.  However, this time around I definitely feel "skinny-fat," to steal a term from Jen. :)  I will take pictures soon.  My midsection still is pretty flabby and fatty.  And this is driving me nuts!!!  I think this is also due to the fact I had just had a baby 6 months ago, but I also feel it is due to the low fat, low carb diet.  

Anyway, I am sorry I haven't really been posting information.  It just has been so much to take in.  Change can be almost scary and even painful.  By change one inevitably has to say what came before was and will always be a part of myself, but now no longer has a pedestal in my life.  I don't know how to transition.  I will always be so happy to have been "successful" with HCG, because it continues to lead me down the path of striving to be better.  I no longer just settle or sit down.  I can feel great!  I can look amazing!  I can wear cute clothes!  I can be a disciplined person!  I can run!  I can do whatever I want to because I believe in myself!    

Do, go and be a better me right now.  That is what I want. 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The World is Not Flat?

weigh in:  149.0 lbs
loss of:  0.8 pound

Yesterday, I had had enough.  I weighed in at 149.8 again and I decided enough was enough.  I am done with Round 2 and although I have not made it to 145 I think I might once I get over the fact that the world is not flat. haha! :) 

Wait, the world is not flat, but spherical?!  Preposterous!  :) 

Why am I using this analogy, well it is all this woman's fault. lol!  You are like my Aristotle, Jen. :)  I am gradually muddling through Good For You Goodies, and trying to figure it all out.  

So far I am gathering you can lose lots of weight without HCG!!!  NO WAY!  HCG can really be inconsequential, because of something called insulin resistance (you either are or not and therefore lose on the HCG diet or not- and the same goes for any diet).  A diet higher in saturated fat can take the weight off.  On this diet you can have things like butter, whipping cream, etc.  Glucose is bad for losing weight.  You have to get blood work and take readings of your glucose (but not sure what you do after a reading?)

... and, basically that is all I have gathered after skimming for about 30 minutes.  I haven't had time yet to sit down and thoroughly take it all in.  It reminds me of when I started researching HCG.  Completely confusing and foreign at first and then it all starts to come in focus.

I feel like my world has been turned upside down and what I thought was my weight loss miracle perhaps doesn't need to be so difficult (in regard to diet).  Anyway, what I would like to do is post as I go through the information and outline to the best of my ability this diet without HCG.  I think there is a shock wave starting to reverberate throughout the HCG world.  I believe we are all open minded people and therefore are open to new ways of thinking.  If it makes sense and is proven, I know I am not going to sit around preaching, "No way, the Earth is most definitely flat people!"  The advancement of the human race would come to a standstill if all people continued to believe the same thing over and over for generation after generation.  I have never been one to stand by previous world views I once thought were infallible: ie. religion, politics, birth, circumcision, vaccinations, parenting styles... etc.  And weight loss seems to be one to add to the list.
Yes, I have lost a crap load of weight on HCG, but not all have and what if you can do it in a more bearable way?  And, I could do it now- no maintenance, but continue to lose!  We all know we have cheated and for some reason lost weight regardless.  I did this just yesterday and lost 0.8.  So who knows?  

Damn, I am going to have to change my title even though I love it. :)  Got to be willing to let go and take on different ways of thought, because no one of us knows it all or is done learning.

I am so happy to be part of this community of weight loss and life health fanatics.  :)  You guys rock!  You all help me to be a better me. 

Happy learning!               

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

New HCGer's on the scene

HCG & Me
Life on Prescott Street
Metamorphose Me

Here are some new HCG blogs I have come across one way or another, and just thought I would share them here.  Let me know if I have forgotten someone, recently?  I can't keep it all straight sometimes. :)  Us, HCGer's can be a wonderful support system and we are all happy to help each other out!  

Happy HCGing!

Some good news all around

weigh in: 149.4 lbs

Back in the 140's!  

Also, in other news my sister-in-law lost 8.4 pounds from her first VLCD Day!!!!!  I had never heard of such losses until a high school friend of mine started HCG and lost 9 pounds in the first VLCD Day!  So neat!  She has a great headstart and she will see One-derland oh so soon!  :) 

Hope all are well!

It is snowing here. :(  No kidding.  Summer will never come. lol!  

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Long and random post... just so you know :)

weigh in: 150.8 :(

I never wanted to see the 150's again, but here it is. :(  Thank you all so much for the comments as I momentarily reached the 140's, and I am sorry to disappoint with such gains.  I will be back again soon, I am sure of it! :)    

Yesterday I was up to 149.8, and thought it was just due to the fact I weighed on a different scale over the weekend and I ate at a restaurant on Sunday.  I had white fish and ate just a little of some other sides, but I guess that did it.  And, then yesterday I took a bunch of Emergen-C... 4 packets to be exact, because I felt depleted and like I could be coming down with something.  I forgot about the fact that there is sugar and carbs in each packet. :(       

Anyway, I just want to move on and start looking at how far I have come and how far I am willing to push further.  Today is VLCD Day 35.  So my average is pretty terrible, but whatever I have persisted.  I am not giving up either way.  I will get to 145.  I have 11 more days (or rather 9, I guess- 11 minus 2 load days?) to hit a full 46 day round.  And I feel resolved to get to my goal.      

As of yesterday (149.8 lbs), these were my stats:  

Total loss for Round 2:  22.2 pounds
Average loss of: 0.65/day

Today my average is down to 0.61 with a loss of 21.2 pounds for this round.

However, I neglected a special milestone I did pass and now have to briefly retract:  40 TOTAL POUNDS LOST SINCE JANUARY 22, 2011!  I will get it again!  I will get to 145 to be done with 3-15's and then only one more 15 to go to reach goal (that is if I maintain, which I will :))! 

Now in regard to the weekend, well it wasn't the best Mother's Day weekend in many ways and in others it was productive.  I really loved getting my sister-in-law started and I hope she can follow through.  I am worried, but I did all I could and now it is up to her.  No one can lose the weight for us, we have to do it ourselves.  

I brought her print-offs of the manuscript, blog posts, encouragement, helpful tips, maintenance how-to, grocery list, etc. (she doesn't have access to the internet).  And, went through it all with her.  I brought her stevia, tea, grissini breadsticks, food scale, epson salt and HCG.  I went to the grocery store with her and then we proceeded to bag all the meat into days for 34+ days... so she can just get a bag out and that is what she will eat for the day.  (I would like to do this for myself next time, too- I think it would be helpful.)  Anyway, she needs a lot of help and someone to believe in her.  Hopefully in time and great losses, she will start to believe in herself and become extremely determined to do this for herself and herself alone.  

It is so hard, (even for me, as you can plainly see... I finally get to the 140's and BAM right back to 150).  But we all have to struggle and even start to revel in the struggle- if that makes sense?  We have to want the struggle.  We have to rise to the struggle, ask for the struggle in a sense for it only makes us stronger.  

Recently, I revised and added to the birth story of Paine for another blog asking all willing mothers to share their birth stories.  How does this relate to right now?  Well, it took me back to why I am here.  Why I have to go through the process of losing weight again, and most importantly why I am glad and proud to do so.  I took the following picture down a couple days after I posted the above linked post.  I started getting embarrassed and thinking people would be grossed out, and I thought I looked fat.  I know, completely ridiculous!  I even put the "Content Warning" notice on my blog because of the following picture.  I wrote the following edit while preparing this post to share with other mamas: 

"I think this is the most favorite picture I have of myself and I am most definitely not even close to a size 4. :)  This was taken by my wonderful doula minutes after I had Paine.  

He is in my arms.  I am upright, oh so happy and strong.  And I can even say I feel like I look beautiful.  There is no rushing around or sense of concern or panic.  He is not lying all alone on a table out of my reach with strangers all around like minute old pictures of my daughters.  He is safe, warm and close to the mama who carried and grew him all those past months."

It is true, this is the best picture I have and will ever have of myself.  It is raw, exposed, and beautiful.  I am not posing or fretting over a picture taken of me.  I am in the moment of meeting my son.  

My body has gone through three pregnancies and my tummy is not responding as well as I hoped, but who cares?!  I mean, who really cares?  I just want to take a moment and respect my choices, respect my motherhood, and most of all respect my body in all of its glory!  Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, and we forget to look at how amazing each and everyone of us are (at any weight)!  It really isn't about a number on the scale, it is about setting out to do something you said you were going to do and in the process gaining immense satisfaction and a great sense of achievement and confidence.  

The people on this journey all have reasons for the extra weight.  I think at times I sigh too much over my reasons.  I would like to transform that mournful sigh into a gratified staunchness.  I am here for the long haul and I am proud of my body for growing (to maximum capacity :)) while growing the little human beings who fill my life with glee!       

Oh, and PS:  I am pretty short to answer a question of a new follower, thanks for following, btw:  5' 4".... so my ideal weight is anywhere between 121 and 129.  My goal is 130 for the time being.  Check out the "Instant Health Snapshot" widget in the sidebar.  It is a quick and easy way to plug in some numbers.  I am still considered "Overweight" until I hit 145.  So that is my goal for this round to get to a "Normal" BMI.       

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Exhausted, and oh so proud!

Hi, everyone!  I am back from our short trip and I am just exhausted, emotionally and physically... but I made it, and...

...the reason I am so proud is regarding this morning's weigh in!  I lost a total of 2.2 pounds (Friday and Saturday included) to land me at a weigh in this morning of 149.2!!!!!!

YIPEEEEEE!!!!  I did it! :) :) :)  

Anyway, I am way too tired to write a full post this evening, but just wanted to tell you all thank you, thank you, thank you for the kind comments on my last post!  It meant so much to me to come home and read those!  Thanks to you all!  I will get replies to some emails in my inbox done tomorrow, check in on you all, and a post written soon.

Happy Mother's Day to all those mamas out there!!! 

Friday, May 6, 2011

Fight on!

weigh in:  151.4 lbs!

Why did I put an exclamation point after this number?  Well, because my friends as of Tuesday morning I was back up to 156.8 lbs.  Yes, I had another relapse :( and went from 153 the last time I posted to the aforementioned number.  So, in 3 short full days I lost 5.4 pounds!  Yes, I am not in the 140's yet, but I am still pleased.  If only I would have held strong this whole time I would probably be to 140 by now, way past my goal of 145!  But, it is what it is and all I can do is keep moving forward.  We all struggle, and if losing weight was easy there would be no overweight people. 

I am especially excited for this weekend, but I will tell you the details later. :)  ( I will let you in on a little though:  going to be helping a family member face-to-face get started on HCG!  I have so much ready for her and I hope I am successful in my part of setting her up for her own SUCCESS!)   

Also, last night my husband got me a new router so I should be back in business!  However, I won't be able to post again until Monday.  In closing I would also like to make a shout out to Karyn!  You look AMAZING!  These progress photos are so inspiring!  So to us all... keep going and fight on! :)  

No one said it would be easy, but no one said it would be this hard. 
-Sheryl Crow song... can't remember which one  

Sunday, May 1, 2011

I'm still alive!

weigh in:  153.6 lbs

I am so sorry guys for being gone so long.  I hope you all have been well!  My router crashed and we have been dealing with some stuff and haven't got it fixed yet- however this morning I thought I would try it out and sure enough it fixed itself for the time being.  We'll see how long it lasts. :)

I am hanging in there.  Man, this round is kicking my butt.  (and not in a good way... :))  I got down to 153 yesterday (pretty good for being at 158.6 just this past Tuesday) with a 2 pound loss and then ate cheese and walnuts yesterday to land me at a gain for today.  I am not going to post the day I am on or the weight loss, because ultimately it doesn't matter (and it is slightly depressing)- I have to get to 145 or close.  I don't know how much longer I can hold on though. :(  I am putting so much pressure on myself because of those stupid, ridiculous high school reunions coming up in a month or so.  So, I really don't have room to get on maintenance and then start another round before all these occasions.  But, maybe I need to take a look at the calendar again and see what I can or should do???  Who knows?  I need to get this figured out soon and proceed with the plan.   

Anyway, I am pushing on the best I can.  Thanks so much for all the comments, by the way!  Thanks for the concern and care, also!!!  You all mean so much to me!  Thanks again!  I will try to catch up with you all soon, too...   

Here is to seeing 149 sometime this week!!!