Wednesday, January 18, 2012

You all are so awesome!

Seriously, I wrote that post thinking it would just sit there and I could be content knowing that it was out there and not in me, you know.  But little did I expect... the friends I once was so tight and in rhythm with would show up with such encouragement!  

I love you all and am so thankful to you all for reaching out to me...

I will try to be back later... I just didn't want to let this moment to pass to say thank you!


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Do I even care?

There comes a time in life when you could be on the verge of disaster... or perhaps greatness.  I  believe I am at one of those junctures (not to be dramatic- but that is how it feels to me at the moment).  Anyway, the path diverges into two paths, or so I think.  What really lies before me is a dizzyingly, confusing array of infinite paths changing constantly based on present causes and actions... blah, blah, blah  :)  

So to get right down to the point.  I think I am going to start anew.  A new blog.  A new focus.  This will be based on what determination I make now.  I need to do something NOW to make a change in myself and in my life... for those around me who depend on me and love me.  I also need to make some sort of change for myself.  No one likes feeling down, stagnant, trapped or hopeless.

However, as I write these words they somehow ring empty, hollow.  I have a tinge of feeling that I am just full of shit (for lack of better descriptors)--- that I won't do what is imperative- that I will continue to sit down- that I will fail because I failed to even try.  I hate this feeling most... not really believing my own words... knowing deep down that perhaps I just really don't care. 

Please let me be wrong and let me resolve to push the above feelings away and push on and forward--- get over this hump, get around this bend, get out of this rut, get out of this hole...  whatever it is it has lasted far too long... and I need to get as far away from it as I can!      

I just needed to send this out into the ether.  I hope you all are well in whatever, wherever, and however you are...   miss you all!