Day 18, Round 3- On the tenth day of Christmas

weigh in: 142.8 pounds
loss of: 1.6 pounds

Yahoooo! Lost it all- again. My true love is in my good graces again. :) I really need to concentrate on moving forward to those 130's. I don't want to ping pong around at this weight, that is for sure! Only 8.8 pounds to go to reach my mini goal of 134 pounds. Stay focused, stay focused!

Thank you all so much for the encouragement yesterday and the nice comments about my tree and orb light. ;)

So, here is a little more on the story I started yesterday. I have been disowned by my parents and sister. Initially, it all started with just the fact that the man I was dating was Buddhist. I met my husband 6 years ago. My parents are fundamentalist Christians (which I had no idea of growing up). Now, that I look back on it, it does come clear. We didn't belong to any specific church, because none were correct enough or strict enough. Anyway, they were not having it anyway at all that I would want to be with anyone of a different faith.

In the beginning of my relationship with my husband, they took my horse, tried to take my dog (I eventually got her- but had to take her back myself), emptied my bank account (my mother was still on my account at that time), tried to break into our apartment (we did move into together after about a year of being together) and steal all of the heirlooms I have received from my great-grandmother and great-aunt, tried to send me anywhere I wanted to go as long as it was far away, tried to demonize my husband and threaten me with hell and not being able to go to heaven to be with them in the afterlife, my father actually physically assaulted me (and as he had his hands around my neck he said, "You would be better off dead.")- and then later tried to get into a brawl with my husband... oh and broke into my own apartment and read my journal, etc... the list goes on!

I am finally at the point where I am able to let go to the extent possible to not cry every day or think about it everyday. I miss my family. I wish they wanted to be a part of my family (my Dad has never met my youngest, and my oldest we had to practically force her on him when she was 2 months old). It still and will always hurt, but I am just glad it has reached a point where I feel like I have done everything possible and within my control to allow them to be a part of our lives.

Just recently my father got into a terrible motorcycle accident and it was touch and go. My family and I rushed over to the hospital he was flown to to be with him. Later when we were talking with my mother about the situation, because when he finally came out of it he didn't want to see me. She asked, "Why have you come over anyway?" I replied, "Well, because Mom it frightens me that he could die and the last time I saw him was almost 3 years ago (he removed himself completely from the situation for a long time) and I never had the chance to tell him I love him. Wouldn't you do the same if I was close to death?" She looked me straight in the eye without hesitation and said, "No, no I don't think I would." Even after that about 3 weeks after he was home I still went over alone (at their request) to see him. That visit went well (and my mother stayed away), but everything is back to how it was. They haven't asked me to return, or to come over to our home, or to have all of us come over or anything. We are just supposed to give and give and they don't have to put in any effort. My father was extremely rude to me the last contact I made with a phone call on his birthday this past August just a few weeks after our supposed "good" visit.

Oh, and at the visit to my old home to see my dad that is when I was introduced to HCG. My mother she asked me, "So, when are you due?" Yep, my own mother said that to me and then proceeded to tell me about HCG and how she had lost 23 pounds or something. I am just glad I didn't brush her off, because she has a terrible way of getting people excited about something that could help them. Her judgmental nature and sadistic leanings towards me always come out during these times. Even to this day I have wrote her a couple emails to merely thank her and reveal to her my success. She acts almost mad that I have accomplished such success and am happy and confident about my body for really the first time in my life.

Okay, sorry why do I tell you all this? I am not exactly sure- but it felt good to just kind of spew it forth and just let it be. It is what it is. I have a beautiful family who love me and who I love dearly in return. My parents-in-law have embraced me with open arms from day one. In addition, my family except for my immediate family and one aunt still love me and want to be around me and my family. I really don't know what I would do without my Grandma (mother's mom) and my other aunt (mother's sister). I just love and appreciate that they judge me based on me: she is still the same "Cait" (everyone used to call me that growing up) we have always known and loved.

I will leave you with our family Christmas photo- my focus now, my reason for living, my reason for loving, my reason for enjoying life.