Monday, December 26, 2011

Sending out a holiday message from long, lost me. :)  I hope wherever you are, whatever you are doing in the weight loss area you are well and happy.  I am up in weight, but surprisingly feeling content at the moment.  I don't know what my plans are for the upcoming year, but right now I just want to be in the moment, eat some good food and enjoy loved ones.

So, from our family to yours... Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Monday, September 19, 2011

Gone tutu long :)


Boy, oh boy!  Where do I start? I have been gone for tutu long!  No I don't have a spelling problem just trying to make a play on words. :)  I got this awesome tutu in the mail not long ago and seriously people nothing like a tutu to make you feel like a ballerina.  This tutu is actually for my Queen of Hearts outfit for Halloween, but I just might wear it a lot- if I get up my confidence. :)  LOVE it!  Oh and the shoes are new too!  To die for!  Can't remember when I started loving things like shoes, but I do. 

Anyway, the last round I was on ended in disaster and complete failure for untold reasons.  Just not the greatest time to start a round and well I started again not long ago.  I am doing better, but still not up to my own caliber of dedication and determination.  I am going to make though.  I will try to update weekly.  But just wanted to check in and hope all are doing well!!!

Miss you all and remember "talk to yourself right!"  We can do this!  

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Pity party commencing...

Where is the fire in my belly?  Where is my desire to excel?  Where is my determination? 

Who the hell knows??!!!

Everything in my life seems out of control and the one thing I can have control of (ie. my diet) I am letting slip through my grasp too.  I just want to cry and don't know what to do?  I keep posting little tidbits here and there to try and hide the pain of disappointment in myself and things going on in my life, but the truth is right here:  this completely sucks and I am the only one who can pull myself out of it.     

Okay, I better just call it good.  Thanks for listening to my little pity party...

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Biking in heels...

I follow a couple neat blogs and these women are "Cute Commuters" in New York (see sidebar).  I have a desire to become such a thing.  Who knows maybe when my kids are a little older and I get a cute bike and some cute outfits. :)  Do you think it would work out here in good ole' Wyoming? lol!  Give 'em hell... or a show- one or the other. haha!     

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Advice from a tea bag...

To be healthy: eat right, walk right 
and talk to yourself right.

Yep, still doing horribly, but maybe I just need to talk to myself differently?  After I read this little tag on the end of my tea bag I thought to myself, "Wow, I do talk to myself quite harshly... I don't talk to anyone else like this.  Why do I do it to myself?"

I am not horrible for doing a terrible job on this diet.  I don't know what I am, but the fact is: we all struggle.  How do you pull yourself out of a funk?  I need to get my head back in the game... I thought I was ready, but maybe I need to dig a little deeper and figure out what is holding me back.  

Talk to yourself right.  Love it!    

Sunday, July 31, 2011

don't you worry...

I am having a VERY HARD time and I am only on Day 4 or 5 or whatever it is.  Yeah, it is that bad.

But, don't you worry I am so going to do awesome today! :)  I will update tomorrow, because I just can't bring myself to post about my horribleness today. 

Happy HCGing or pretending at it, whatever it might be...   

Thursday, July 28, 2011

HCG Incognito?

I feel like the HCG world is kinda of going underground or gone incognito now?  I hardly see those R2P2 Day whatever posts anymore and no one really reads my blog anymore...  Is this true, or not- who knows??? 

Well, all I can do is tell you all the truth with me.  And it is true with me.  I started another round of HCG 3 days ago.  I only did one day of loading:  gained 2 pounds and this morning woke up to a loss of 3.8 pounds.  I just decided you know what... HCG worked for me and I am going to go for it again.  My goal this round 135.  I started out at 156.4, went up to 158.4... and now at 154.6 pounds.  

Last round I did not stabilize very well because of turmoil over thinking HCG was bunk (which it is for some and probably for me now- the Sugar Free Protocol totally makes sense to me, but I guess I am just wanting to go back to what I know- call me weak).  But, honestly if I follow HCG protocol I lose and maintain.  So whatever, sue me- I am doing it again and we'll see what happens. 

I am stepping out and revealing myself and it is a little scary... so Hello, to HCG again!   

Friday, July 22, 2011

I am beautiful.

Going to my high school reunion was both good and bad.  The people who I thought were so much better, more deserving, more beautiful, more smart and basically more everything came into focus.  It was all an illusion.  High school, that is.  The people who were in my crowd are amazing and beautiful... and my friends, I am included in that group! :)  I have so much to be proud of and love about my life.  High school made me a better and stronger person- I just didn't know it at the time.  It was kind of hard to go back and drudge up some of those old insecurities and fears, but then if I didn't I would continue to ignore them and not get over them.  

I am beautiful.
I am smart.
I am athletic.
I am kind.
I have absolutely beautiful children.
I have an incredible and handsome husband, who stands out and challenges me.

I love me.
I love my life.

I feel like I can now appreciate High School for what it was- a part of my life and just a very, very small part. :)  I knew some incredible people who are still in my life today and the ones who were not a positive force- well, they were also part of what makes me- me today.  I learned much from that awkward and frustrating struggle to maneuver through that time of life.

I am beautiful.  I say these words and still they come out difficultly.  I believe them and then I don't.  Some days I do, and some I don't.  Such a simple thing, but I think many of us who are on this weight loss journey have image issues that stem from what other people said or did to us.  How do we let these people do this to our beautiful selves?  Very easily, it all can tear you down and spit you out and all I hoped for was someday I would be okay.  Well, I am more than okay. :) 

To all of you out there who don't yet fully believe it- YOU are BEAUTIFUL!  Absolutely beautiful!      



This post is not weight related, but I felt the need to share it regardless.  I will be back soon to make a post about my weight soon and in relation to that lovely thing called a high school reunion. :)  But until then...

This post is about my second daughter's birthday party.  What a fun day!  Wonderful friends made it all the better.  :)  But, this post is about something in particular: the color blue.  Well not exactly just the color blue in of itself- I will make myself clear I promise. :)  Now my second little one reminds me A LOT of me: complete tomboy, strong, athletic, wants to get in and do everything, a little bit of a show off and funny.  Well, once again not the point, however cute. :)  The point is when I asked her what kind of cake she wanted for her birthday she promptly replied, "I want a blue cake, Mama."  I said, "Well alright, I will see what I can do."  I found this amazing recipe here.  No butter in the cake- called for 11 egg whites and 2 ounces of food coloring!!!  And this was to be the first double layer cake I attempted (with success! :)).  Once again- not really the point- I swear it is coming. :)  

And here it is:  The point is I didn't think a second thought with my little girl's request of blue cake and therefore a blue party.  Now think about it... if my son at some point in the future asks me for a pink cake I would undoubtedly have a whole array of thoughts.  I shamefully admit this, because over the years I have become completely open and supportive of gays.  I believe I have no right whatsoever to judge or recoil in fear because culture has manipulated us to believe certain things about certain people.  This all changes eventually anyway- I mean think about Blacks, women, other nationalities... eventually TRUE justice and equality wins out.  And, so through my experiences and difficulties in life I can honestly say I would accept and love with all my heart a gay child (this was not the case not so very long and I am very proud I am not bigoted in this area anymore).  

But still I would struggle I mean how would I make pink "boyish?"  I could make blue "girly" for my daughter, but for my son?  Am I projecting my own fears and hesitations?  Would it need to be "boyish" or "girly?"  No one cared about a blue party for my daughter, but there would be comments about a pink party for my son, I am sure.  Should I care?  What if liking pink does not mean gay??? Just a social and cultural constraint? 

All rhetorical questions, and all fine and non-threatening if one does not have to address them in the moment.  Very interesting how we have children with these ideals and pictures in mind and you just never know when you might be faced with such contradictions to your dreams and beliefs for your children.

Now after all that here are a few pictures:  We have started a tradition:  I went out and spent $10 on balloons and filled her room with them so she awoke to all of them on the ceiling (the picture doesn't really show it but they were blue and purple- once again a way to make blue more "girly" I guess???).   

And just because I love her curls!

The cake!  It turned out beautiful and quite yummy!  The stars are kind of symbolic too, my daughters run around many times singing at the top of their lungs, "I AM A SHOOTING STAR!!!"  And it is the most adorable, although loud thing. :)  Little shooting stars, that is what they are. :) 

I told you it was BLUE!!!  That is what 2 ounces of food coloring will do! :)  

Hope you all are well and I will be back shortly with another post! :)

Monday, July 4, 2011

Hello, I am still here!

...and Happy 4th of July!

I have been gone long and have various reasons.  Ultimately, sometimes blogging can just get to the point when you really need a break.  I also just needed a break from stressing about the weight and the diet.  However, I have not ceased stressing... of course. :)  My high school reunion is coming up on the 16th and I would love to drop another 10, but well if you are a true follower then you know my struggle between HCG and the Sugar Free Protocol.  I am not sure what to do and to tell you quite frankly I am just getting to the point of realizing things will come into perspective when the time comes.

So anyway, just want to drop a note to let you all know I am still here and thanks for the concern Karyn!  Hope you all are well and hope to be back with other updates...

I will leave you with a good ole' mirror picture I took this afternoon. :)  Since I never got around to taking a picture once I reached the 140's.  I am  at 150.6 and am happy about it because I was residing firmly at 155 for a long time these past few weeks.  

Got to love ourselves or love the journey of learning to love ourselves... if that makes sense. :)


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Rambling chatter...

So life in "maintenance" is proving difficult.  I am completely freaked out about what may be going on with my body and all the "full fat cells" I have added to my body with the HCG diet.  How do I fix all this?!  I am still 5 pounds above lowest weight and I am not going to lie, it sucks. (This is due to my inability to gain control right now, not my diet- I have been eating a lot of crap.)  I am really detesting seeing 150 something.  I am so sick of the 150's, and yet I am doing nothing about it.  Oh, and I am having my whole eating at night during my sleep thing again!  ACK!  It is almost involuntary and seemingly impossible to stop in the moment.  I am in a sleep/awake kind of mode and I just eat food- typically crackers with cheese, chocolate, fruit, or nuts.  It just is not fun!  I don't like the feeling- the lack of control.  I even hate to admit it here, but I must for honesty sake.  I am so surprised I have been able to keep it only at 5 pounds gained with all this.  So, I am in a constant state of, "Oh, what the hell... and omg, I have got to get back down." 

And now I have this whole new turmoil of how am I going to justify paying for blood work, change midstride, convince everyone I was wrong, admit I was wrong, get my sister-in-law off of it (btw, she has reached One-derland now and she is riding a momentum streak and won't really listen- yet).  I guess I am just going to have to buck up and get these tests done and get on with "fixing" my body.   You can talk all you want, you gotta prove it though-that's what counts! 

Am I rambling?  I am most definitely rambling... well on with it... and I got the Implanon birth control device yesterday which is great, but also worrying.  Everywhere you turn something has the potential to kill you or make you feel like shit (hopefully, I will be happy with it- birth control just worries me).  Anyway, to top it all off I just found someone to watch our kids this weekend so we can go to my husband's reunion, which is great!  (Thank you so very, very much- you know who you are! :))  But I am freaking out about that!  What am I going to wear?  I feel fat!  On and on and on, I tell you!  Fretting over all these really stupid things.  I mean the weight loss, and healthy body function perhaps not, but everything else.

Oh man, then there is all this other deeper stuff, but I have rambled long enough and sometimes you just gotta know when to shut up :)...  I hope you all are more sane than I am right now! :)  

P.S.  This post is making it sound like I am running around with my head cut off, but the fact is this is all internal.  Life is good, I am just having an internal struggle with how to begin to transition into something else and fix damage.  I mean I loved HCG so much and loved what it did for me, but now I am just so frustrated!  Part of me is just tempted to stay the course and repeat insanity all over again, because it is what I know and it is "easy."  But the other, overriding part of me says get the hell off of the HCG train... and what about all the people I got on it!  I feel guilty and badly.  This battle is so tiring sometimes.  This battle seems pointless sometimes.  Where is the white flag, and if I waved it would mercy befall me anyway?  I think we all know the answer to that question.  Surrender is not an option.        

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Amusement park

Say you are visiting an amusement park.  You are standing at the front gates surveying the scene, deciding which rides look like a hell of a fun time.  There are crazy, ridiculous rides you know you would lose your lunch riding.  There are rollercoasters, spinning, gravity defying rides, fast drops... and then you see one in the distance- a flat tracked rollercoaster.  No ups, no downs, no turns, no zigs, no zags, no spins, no nothing.  You think to yourself, "Who in the hell would want to ride that boring ass ride?"  (Well, perhaps minus the curse words. :)) 

Whatever struggles we have in our life whether weight related or not are our own.  We own them.  We live with them.  We fight, cater, deny, love, hate and hopefully learn through them.  No one would choose the easy, lame boring ride.  Sure we may think that would be nice sometimes, but ultimately if given the chance we would take the Death Defying Tower of Doom- or whatever anyday.  So, although I am up 5 pounds (yep, I have let myself go- for the time being :)) I am not going to panic.  I will not get off this ride to mill around the grounds watching people enjoying rides as I feel sorry for myself holding a funnel cake in one hand and a bat of cotton candy in the other.  I am going to embrace this part of the rollercoaster and get through it and have a blast doing it!  Of course, I am disappointed in myself and upset that I am back at the weight I was around Easter!  But, it is what it is and I have made the certain choices to get here, and therefore have the power to retrace my tracks and get back to the 140's.  Without these downs there is no possibility to experience the thrills of the highs.   

Okay, I take it all back- Can I please, please have the easy ride?  Make me 125 right now, and for permantely forever!  I wouldn't mind a nice, easy, slow, predictable- the breeze gently blowing my hair kind of ride............! Absolutely, just kidding! :):)
Take care my friends... enjoy the ride! 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

do, go and be...

By just eating more to the un-HCG diet I stayed at around 149.8 for 2 days.  Yesterday I was up to 151.4.  This occurred because of that poisonous sugar factor. :)  I ate some cookies and ice cream.  So, yesterday I ate a higher-fat diet: lunch- celery with peanut butter, 3 eggs with cheese and butter; dinner- steak cooked in butter, some red potatoes baked in butter and seasoning, asparagus with hollandaise sauce.   YUM, YUM, YUM!!! :)  Lovin' the fat!  I know that sounds insane, but everything starts working and feeling better!

This morning I showed a 1.6 pound loss.  Now, I am not really trying the diet out yet.  I would still need to get a glucose monitor, blood tests, take measurements (awesome results, Jen, btw!)  But, just realizing that I have been feeling poorly because my body is really starving and actually needs a healthy amount of saturated fat, protein, fiber and carbs has really helped.  The past 2 mornings I have woke up with energy and ready to go for the day.  I don't feel so foggy or drowsy.  

Also, an additional comment.  After my first 3 rounds before Paine- I did feel great and felt I looked great.  However, this time around I definitely feel "skinny-fat," to steal a term from Jen. :)  I will take pictures soon.  My midsection still is pretty flabby and fatty.  And this is driving me nuts!!!  I think this is also due to the fact I had just had a baby 6 months ago, but I also feel it is due to the low fat, low carb diet.  

Anyway, I am sorry I haven't really been posting information.  It just has been so much to take in.  Change can be almost scary and even painful.  By change one inevitably has to say what came before was and will always be a part of myself, but now no longer has a pedestal in my life.  I don't know how to transition.  I will always be so happy to have been "successful" with HCG, because it continues to lead me down the path of striving to be better.  I no longer just settle or sit down.  I can feel great!  I can look amazing!  I can wear cute clothes!  I can be a disciplined person!  I can run!  I can do whatever I want to because I believe in myself!    

Do, go and be a better me right now.  That is what I want. 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The World is Not Flat?

weigh in:  149.0 lbs
loss of:  0.8 pound

Yesterday, I had had enough.  I weighed in at 149.8 again and I decided enough was enough.  I am done with Round 2 and although I have not made it to 145 I think I might once I get over the fact that the world is not flat. haha! :) 

Wait, the world is not flat, but spherical?!  Preposterous!  :) 

Why am I using this analogy, well it is all this woman's fault. lol!  You are like my Aristotle, Jen. :)  I am gradually muddling through Good For You Goodies, and trying to figure it all out.  

So far I am gathering you can lose lots of weight without HCG!!!  NO WAY!  HCG can really be inconsequential, because of something called insulin resistance (you either are or not and therefore lose on the HCG diet or not- and the same goes for any diet).  A diet higher in saturated fat can take the weight off.  On this diet you can have things like butter, whipping cream, etc.  Glucose is bad for losing weight.  You have to get blood work and take readings of your glucose (but not sure what you do after a reading?)

... and, basically that is all I have gathered after skimming for about 30 minutes.  I haven't had time yet to sit down and thoroughly take it all in.  It reminds me of when I started researching HCG.  Completely confusing and foreign at first and then it all starts to come in focus.

I feel like my world has been turned upside down and what I thought was my weight loss miracle perhaps doesn't need to be so difficult (in regard to diet).  Anyway, what I would like to do is post as I go through the information and outline to the best of my ability this diet without HCG.  I think there is a shock wave starting to reverberate throughout the HCG world.  I believe we are all open minded people and therefore are open to new ways of thinking.  If it makes sense and is proven, I know I am not going to sit around preaching, "No way, the Earth is most definitely flat people!"  The advancement of the human race would come to a standstill if all people continued to believe the same thing over and over for generation after generation.  I have never been one to stand by previous world views I once thought were infallible: ie. religion, politics, birth, circumcision, vaccinations, parenting styles... etc.  And weight loss seems to be one to add to the list.
Yes, I have lost a crap load of weight on HCG, but not all have and what if you can do it in a more bearable way?  And, I could do it now- no maintenance, but continue to lose!  We all know we have cheated and for some reason lost weight regardless.  I did this just yesterday and lost 0.8.  So who knows?  

Damn, I am going to have to change my title even though I love it. :)  Got to be willing to let go and take on different ways of thought, because no one of us knows it all or is done learning.

I am so happy to be part of this community of weight loss and life health fanatics.  :)  You guys rock!  You all help me to be a better me. 

Happy learning!               

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

New HCGer's on the scene

HCG & Me
Life on Prescott Street
Metamorphose Me

Here are some new HCG blogs I have come across one way or another, and just thought I would share them here.  Let me know if I have forgotten someone, recently?  I can't keep it all straight sometimes. :)  Us, HCGer's can be a wonderful support system and we are all happy to help each other out!  

Happy HCGing!

Some good news all around

weigh in: 149.4 lbs

Back in the 140's!  

Also, in other news my sister-in-law lost 8.4 pounds from her first VLCD Day!!!!!  I had never heard of such losses until a high school friend of mine started HCG and lost 9 pounds in the first VLCD Day!  So neat!  She has a great headstart and she will see One-derland oh so soon!  :) 

Hope all are well!

It is snowing here. :(  No kidding.  Summer will never come. lol!  

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Long and random post... just so you know :)

weigh in: 150.8 :(

I never wanted to see the 150's again, but here it is. :(  Thank you all so much for the comments as I momentarily reached the 140's, and I am sorry to disappoint with such gains.  I will be back again soon, I am sure of it! :)    

Yesterday I was up to 149.8, and thought it was just due to the fact I weighed on a different scale over the weekend and I ate at a restaurant on Sunday.  I had white fish and ate just a little of some other sides, but I guess that did it.  And, then yesterday I took a bunch of Emergen-C... 4 packets to be exact, because I felt depleted and like I could be coming down with something.  I forgot about the fact that there is sugar and carbs in each packet. :(       

Anyway, I just want to move on and start looking at how far I have come and how far I am willing to push further.  Today is VLCD Day 35.  So my average is pretty terrible, but whatever I have persisted.  I am not giving up either way.  I will get to 145.  I have 11 more days (or rather 9, I guess- 11 minus 2 load days?) to hit a full 46 day round.  And I feel resolved to get to my goal.      

As of yesterday (149.8 lbs), these were my stats:  

Total loss for Round 2:  22.2 pounds
Average loss of: 0.65/day

Today my average is down to 0.61 with a loss of 21.2 pounds for this round.

However, I neglected a special milestone I did pass and now have to briefly retract:  40 TOTAL POUNDS LOST SINCE JANUARY 22, 2011!  I will get it again!  I will get to 145 to be done with 3-15's and then only one more 15 to go to reach goal (that is if I maintain, which I will :))! 

Now in regard to the weekend, well it wasn't the best Mother's Day weekend in many ways and in others it was productive.  I really loved getting my sister-in-law started and I hope she can follow through.  I am worried, but I did all I could and now it is up to her.  No one can lose the weight for us, we have to do it ourselves.  

I brought her print-offs of the manuscript, blog posts, encouragement, helpful tips, maintenance how-to, grocery list, etc. (she doesn't have access to the internet).  And, went through it all with her.  I brought her stevia, tea, grissini breadsticks, food scale, epson salt and HCG.  I went to the grocery store with her and then we proceeded to bag all the meat into days for 34+ days... so she can just get a bag out and that is what she will eat for the day.  (I would like to do this for myself next time, too- I think it would be helpful.)  Anyway, she needs a lot of help and someone to believe in her.  Hopefully in time and great losses, she will start to believe in herself and become extremely determined to do this for herself and herself alone.  

It is so hard, (even for me, as you can plainly see... I finally get to the 140's and BAM right back to 150).  But we all have to struggle and even start to revel in the struggle- if that makes sense?  We have to want the struggle.  We have to rise to the struggle, ask for the struggle in a sense for it only makes us stronger.  

Recently, I revised and added to the birth story of Paine for another blog asking all willing mothers to share their birth stories.  How does this relate to right now?  Well, it took me back to why I am here.  Why I have to go through the process of losing weight again, and most importantly why I am glad and proud to do so.  I took the following picture down a couple days after I posted the above linked post.  I started getting embarrassed and thinking people would be grossed out, and I thought I looked fat.  I know, completely ridiculous!  I even put the "Content Warning" notice on my blog because of the following picture.  I wrote the following edit while preparing this post to share with other mamas: 

"I think this is the most favorite picture I have of myself and I am most definitely not even close to a size 4. :)  This was taken by my wonderful doula minutes after I had Paine.  

He is in my arms.  I am upright, oh so happy and strong.  And I can even say I feel like I look beautiful.  There is no rushing around or sense of concern or panic.  He is not lying all alone on a table out of my reach with strangers all around like minute old pictures of my daughters.  He is safe, warm and close to the mama who carried and grew him all those past months."

It is true, this is the best picture I have and will ever have of myself.  It is raw, exposed, and beautiful.  I am not posing or fretting over a picture taken of me.  I am in the moment of meeting my son.  

My body has gone through three pregnancies and my tummy is not responding as well as I hoped, but who cares?!  I mean, who really cares?  I just want to take a moment and respect my choices, respect my motherhood, and most of all respect my body in all of its glory!  Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, and we forget to look at how amazing each and everyone of us are (at any weight)!  It really isn't about a number on the scale, it is about setting out to do something you said you were going to do and in the process gaining immense satisfaction and a great sense of achievement and confidence.  

The people on this journey all have reasons for the extra weight.  I think at times I sigh too much over my reasons.  I would like to transform that mournful sigh into a gratified staunchness.  I am here for the long haul and I am proud of my body for growing (to maximum capacity :)) while growing the little human beings who fill my life with glee!       

Oh, and PS:  I am pretty short to answer a question of a new follower, thanks for following, btw:  5' 4".... so my ideal weight is anywhere between 121 and 129.  My goal is 130 for the time being.  Check out the "Instant Health Snapshot" widget in the sidebar.  It is a quick and easy way to plug in some numbers.  I am still considered "Overweight" until I hit 145.  So that is my goal for this round to get to a "Normal" BMI.       

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Exhausted, and oh so proud!

Hi, everyone!  I am back from our short trip and I am just exhausted, emotionally and physically... but I made it, and...

...the reason I am so proud is regarding this morning's weigh in!  I lost a total of 2.2 pounds (Friday and Saturday included) to land me at a weigh in this morning of 149.2!!!!!!

YIPEEEEEE!!!!  I did it! :) :) :)  

Anyway, I am way too tired to write a full post this evening, but just wanted to tell you all thank you, thank you, thank you for the kind comments on my last post!  It meant so much to me to come home and read those!  Thanks to you all!  I will get replies to some emails in my inbox done tomorrow, check in on you all, and a post written soon.

Happy Mother's Day to all those mamas out there!!! 

Friday, May 6, 2011

Fight on!

weigh in:  151.4 lbs!

Why did I put an exclamation point after this number?  Well, because my friends as of Tuesday morning I was back up to 156.8 lbs.  Yes, I had another relapse :( and went from 153 the last time I posted to the aforementioned number.  So, in 3 short full days I lost 5.4 pounds!  Yes, I am not in the 140's yet, but I am still pleased.  If only I would have held strong this whole time I would probably be to 140 by now, way past my goal of 145!  But, it is what it is and all I can do is keep moving forward.  We all struggle, and if losing weight was easy there would be no overweight people. 

I am especially excited for this weekend, but I will tell you the details later. :)  ( I will let you in on a little though:  going to be helping a family member face-to-face get started on HCG!  I have so much ready for her and I hope I am successful in my part of setting her up for her own SUCCESS!)   

Also, last night my husband got me a new router so I should be back in business!  However, I won't be able to post again until Monday.  In closing I would also like to make a shout out to Karyn!  You look AMAZING!  These progress photos are so inspiring!  So to us all... keep going and fight on! :)  

No one said it would be easy, but no one said it would be this hard. 
-Sheryl Crow song... can't remember which one  

Sunday, May 1, 2011

I'm still alive!

weigh in:  153.6 lbs

I am so sorry guys for being gone so long.  I hope you all have been well!  My router crashed and we have been dealing with some stuff and haven't got it fixed yet- however this morning I thought I would try it out and sure enough it fixed itself for the time being.  We'll see how long it lasts. :)

I am hanging in there.  Man, this round is kicking my butt.  (and not in a good way... :))  I got down to 153 yesterday (pretty good for being at 158.6 just this past Tuesday) with a 2 pound loss and then ate cheese and walnuts yesterday to land me at a gain for today.  I am not going to post the day I am on or the weight loss, because ultimately it doesn't matter (and it is slightly depressing)- I have to get to 145 or close.  I don't know how much longer I can hold on though. :(  I am putting so much pressure on myself because of those stupid, ridiculous high school reunions coming up in a month or so.  So, I really don't have room to get on maintenance and then start another round before all these occasions.  But, maybe I need to take a look at the calendar again and see what I can or should do???  Who knows?  I need to get this figured out soon and proceed with the plan.   

Anyway, I am pushing on the best I can.  Thanks so much for all the comments, by the way!  Thanks for the concern and care, also!!!  You all mean so much to me!  Thanks again!  I will try to catch up with you all soon, too...   

Here is to seeing 149 sometime this week!!! 

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The night is always darkest before the dawn...

weigh in:  157.0 lbs
loss of: 1.6 pounds

Heading back down in the right direction.  This is going to take great will power I can already tell that.  I am so done, and yet I am not done at all.  I don't know why I have such a problem picking myself up sometimes?

I feel as though, I am running a race in which I lost my way that took me on a major detour.  Now my muscles are so tired with how far I have yet to go, it is now going to be all heart pushing me on.  I know it sounds cheesy, but I am going to crawl and claw, whatever I have to do to make my way to that finish line.  

We can do this!  I have been here before and know I can get through again.  Quitting is only an option when absolutely necessary, but just because it is a little hard right now is not an excuse for me.  

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.  
The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
      -Thomas A. Edison

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

win some, lose some

weigh in:  158.6 lbs.
gain of: 2.6 pounds
total gain of: 3.6 pounds

Well, that didn't go so well.  Somehow this morning when I stepped on the scale I was hoping all would be magically forgiven and the scale god's would look on me with pity and give me a loss.  Wishful thinking, and completely delusional. lol! :)  

I am pretty sure my need for a break is over and I am done.  Sometimes for me I need to see such an increase to get it through my thick skull, if that makes sense?  We are on this road alone and can only do this for ourselves and ourselves alone.  How we do this thing is up to us, and don't let anyone tell you you are failing because of a waver in the wrong direction.  This diet is insanely difficult- anyone tries to tell you differently you can tell them to go fly a kite. :)  If you have the guts to stick to such a strict diet the pay off is incredible!  But it is most certainly not magic or easy and we have to work just as hard as anyone else in this battle against the bulge.  All I can say is I am not giving up!  Yes, I was beaten this morning and wish I could rewind to yesterday morning and tell my past self to buck up and quit while you're ahead.  But, even if this was possible I am almost certain I would not listen to my future self anyway.

Anyway, as the saying goes:  "You win some, you lose some."  And I think it is also said that in the losing rather than the winning more can be learned about oneself.  Here is to getting back to it and hitting my goal: 145!  145!  I can do it, I can do it!!!

Happy HCGing!             

Monday, April 25, 2011


weigh in:  156.o lbs
gain of: 1.o pound

Since I have not posted since I reached 155 you all are probably wondering what in the world is going on?! :)  (...was busy and my router was down, also.)  I remained at 155 until Saturday morning, the day we left for my Grandma's.  I just couldn't break 155 and it was driving me nuts.  So, I went to Easter with protocol meals in hand, fully knowing I would probably give in two seconds into the festivities.  And, boy did this happen.  There was so much yummy food I just said to myself, "Who gives a ____, and I am just going to enjoy myself and not worry about this stupid diet for awhile." (don't really think it is stupid, just trying to make my point :))

Surprisingly, this morning after not weighing yesterday morning I was at 156.  I was really able to keep myself pretty composed throughout the weekend and although I ate, I ate with a sort of control that I could live with. (Oh, and I dosed only on Saturday morning and that was it during the weekend- just thought other doses would be a waste.)  However, this is where Easter weekend and letting my diet go for a couple days gets a little hazy.  I have been eating all day long today, Monday.  Great!  I got by with only a pound gain and now here I am really trying to make the damage greater.  I am feeling quite sick right now and I hope it is out of my system so I can get back to my focus and goal:  Get to 145 for this round! 

Holidays can be a nightmare for dieters.  If you made it out unscathed, you should throw yourself a parade. lol!  I will throw you a parade and beg you for your secrets. :)

Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful, lovely weekend and I am glad to be back.  Easter was so incredibly nice and I was so happy to spend it with my family.  Have I mentioned my Grandma is wonderful? lol!  Well, she is and I wish I could see her everyday.  

...I will be back tomorrow morning with the results of my unfortunate prolonged hiatus.

Oh, and just want to acknowledge my 100 FOLLOWERS!!!  Thank you all so much!  I never thought in a million years I would have 100 followers!  I remember getting excited when I had 10. :)  I know you really shouldn't judge the success of your blog based on number of followers, but I can't help but think that is pretty awesome. :)  Thanks again, and I hope to continue and share the love also.        

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I feel like dancin'!

P2 R2, VLCD Day 15

weigh in:  155.0 lbs
loss of:  2.0 pounds!!!

Total loss to date:  11.4 pounds!  Still pretty good in 14 completed VLCD Days!  
(including loading weight) 17.0 pounds! 

Doing a little happy dance this morning. :)  So, this time when my weight wouldn't budge it was a little more difficult to hold on, but I did it and here I am on the other side and it feels great!  

Seeing 155 on the scale today made me smile.  This is the weight I was when I went to my first doctor's appointment after I discovered I was pregnant with Paine.  I was wondering why I was gaining and having difficulty maintaining and it all was revealed. :)  I am so very happy I had the little guy, but rewind to the last time I weighed this and I was extremely anxious about the prospect of another baby.  Now I can't imagine life without him!

And I will leave you with the following photo, because I am in love with it.  What happiness!  Happy Hump Day to you all!   

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


weigh in: 157.0 lbs
gain of: 0.2 pound

Okay, I have been punished enough for my cheat, right?!  I am getting so frustrated and just want to move on down.  I have been sitting here around 157 since FRIDAY!!!  

I will never cheat again, I will never cheat again, I will never cheat again! :)

Hope you all are doing better than me!

(And in reference to post below... I just bought Wobenzym at my local health food store- I had originally bought it when my husband was experiencing tendinitis, which it also cleared up.  Or, you could probably find it online too if need be.)    

Monday, April 18, 2011

Wobenzym N

weigh in: 156.8 lbs

Well, there you have it- I got my comeuppance. :)  Got to move on and make the best out of this week!

I would also like to take a moment to describe a supplement that is saving my life!  Okay, a little dramatic, but seriously I haven't discussed it yet because I wanted to make sure it was working.  Friday evening I was in severe pain.  My back, hips and knees were killing me.  I had an awful tension headache that made me want to have my husband take me out back and put me out of my misery. ;)  This was due to the fact my whole back was in knots (at age 16 I went to the chiropractor a lot to help me get through for sports- he told me I had the back of a 40 year old.  Scares me to think what it is like now?)  

Anyway, I could hardly hold Paine and I tried stretching, rubbing and moving to release the pain.  Nothing was working.  I think all of this was due to not only stress but holding Paine for long periods of time on Thursday and Friday and carrying around that damnable car seat. (I really try to not use the thing except for in the car, but carrying it is unavoidable for certain times.)  I have been trying to use Yoga to help me, but the pain was so bad it hurt so much to perform simple stretches and it was pretty ineffective.  I was searching through my cupboard for some Tylenol (we were out) and then I ran across this: Wobenzym N   

I took some that night and have taken some all weekend.  It is freakin' AMAZING!  Just with one dose of 3 tablets I could sleep that Friday night.  It was that bad- lying on my side hurt my hips and kept me awake.  I was especially worried about my hips.  They were extremely sore just to the touch as if someone bashed them with a hammer repeatedly in the same spot.  This pain is almost gone.  Go here to read about this stuff!  It most definitely:

  • supports the body's natural inflammation response
  • increases flexibility and mobility
  • supports joint and tendon health
  • and, temporarily relief from aches, pains and muscle soreness due to everyday activity    

No one is paying me to say all these wonderful things about this product- just so you know.  This was really an accident and I am so very happy!  Tylenol is stupid for this kind of pain and now the "old granny" in me will not suffer anymore!  Yes!

Just wanted to share my jubilation of being pain free after feeling like I was going to die! :)  Love you guys!  Hope all are well!    

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Both Good and Bad.

P2 R2, VLCD Day 12

weigh in:  156.8 lbs
loss of:  0.6 pound

Total loss to date:  8.6 pounds
(including load weight) 15.4 pounds

You all are going to hate me right now.  I have no idea why I lost?  I gave in yesterday afternoon and ate glazed pecans, cream cheese on turkey (don't judge, I was being creative :)), Graham crackers.... And, then to top it all off a small delicious pancake (I have finally started trying to cook a little differently for my family and used whole wheat and stevia in the pancakes and they were AWESOME!-- even my husband thought so, which is crazy because he is weird and not that big of a fan of pancakes. :))  

And, I was just fine until about 2.  I even had this amazing lunch with chicken cooked in coconut oil and apples and mushrooms (not on protocol) added to the chicken with cinnamon and basil.  YUMMY!  But it just started to crumble and I was just done for that day.  I was bored and so I ate.  I however, worked hard in the yard, did some yoga (felt wonderful, btw!) and drank some Super Dieter's Tea, took an epson salt bath and I guess that provided for a loss?  I don't know.  All I know is weekends can be very, very bad for a dieter of any kind.  I hope I don't have any repercussions tomorrow, but if I do- well I need to take it like a woman, because it was my choice to cheat.     

Anyway, I am still staring at my pictures in awe that I am so very close to being back to pre-baby weight!  I can't even believe those before pictures were me??!  I mean I was out walking around like that! lol!  It is surreal (and probably the reason I cheated- I do that, my mind needs a chance to catch up with my weight loss).  For some reason I had it in my head I would never get back, it was too far.  But here I am in real no time at all, on the verge- 10 pounds away.  But this time another pregnancy is not in the works.  The work I started  in 2009 was interrupted and so, now is the time even though I will get back to pre-baby weight another round is in my near future.  130 is my goal.  Getting closer and closer everyday.  

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Pictures, finally!

P2 R2, VLCD Day 11

weigh in:  157.4 lbs
loss of:  0.8 pound

Total loss to date:  8.0 pounds from lowest weight achieved during R1
14.8 pounds loss including load weight for R2

So Happy I lost today!  I have to admit.... like I have said in past posts:  baking+HCG diet= potentially disastrous!  Yesterday, I made these absolutely, delicious, scrumptious brownies.... and I ate 3. :(  This round I have been abnormally resolved, but yesterday those brownies were undeniable!  I could have totally ate half the pan or maybe more, but I am so glad I resisted after 3, bagged them up and took them to the people I made them for.  

And, finally here are some pictures alongside my initial (just slightly mortifying :)) before pictures.  

157.4 pounds- April 16, 2011 (sorry no makeup- but they were not going to get done if I waited to "doll-up" :)  ... and too lazy to set up the tripod so here are some mirror shots.)

190.2 pounds- January 21, 20011

This is so awesome!  I am so happy for how far I have come in 1 1/2 short rounds and one maintenance period!  Yep, definitely not starving- HCG rocks!!! :)  

Friday, April 15, 2011

And there you have it!

P2 R2, VLCD Day 10
weigh in:  158.2 lbs
loss of:  1.2 pound

Total loss to date:  (from lowest weight achieved during R1) 7.2 pounds
(from R2 starting weight) 8.2 pounds
(including R2 loading weight) 14 pounds!

...and just like that the stall has broken!  So, glad this round I was able to accept the stall for what it was and have some patience (not something I typically am so great at). :)  It was really neat.  Last night I really experienced that release of water described in the post below.  I peed all night long, seriously. lol!  When your body finally decides to dump that water which replaced the fat the HCG displaced, well that is it- back to losing!  

Now onto some good losses until Easter.  I have a feeling it is going to be hard to stay true to protocol. :(  I am so excited to go to my Grandma's for Easter, but it is going to be difficult in the area of dieting.  This will be the first holiday we will have spent with any of my side of the family in 7 YEARS!  Usually, we have gone to my husband's family home, because of the whole situation with my parents.  (I have written about this in the past.)  It is going to be great to enjoy family and children!

Happy Friday everyone!!!  Hope stalls are broken and/or good losses continue for you all!  

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Still Stalled

P2 R2, VLCD Day 9

weigh in:  159.4 lbs
gain of: 0.2 pound (Yes, I still consider a 0.2 gain after 2-3 days of no losses and or miniscule  losses a stall- since I didn't commit any dietary errors.  Whether this is acceptable or not, I am not sure.)

After 5 rounds of HCG I am finally "getting used" to stalls.  They don't upset me like they used to or set me into a tailspin of thinking, "Oh my gosh, what have I done wrong?"  I mean, I still think about possible places of faulty dieting or a chance when something touched my skin that could affect weight loss, but I don't panic anymore.   

So, for those of you who are going to be new to this diet- if you can learn from us "veteran" HCGer's and not take stalls too seriously you will save yourself a lot of grief.  Even though I have read the following a million times it is still easy to forget, but the science makes perfect sense:  

"After the fourth or fifth day of dieting the daily loss of weight begins to decrease to one pound or somewhat less per day, and there is a smaller urinary output. Men often continue to lose regularly at that rate, but women are more irregular in spite of faultless dieting. There may be no drop at all for two or three days and then a sudden loss which reestablishes the normal average. These fluctuations are entirely due to variations in the retention and elimination of water, which are more marked in women than in men.
The weight registered by the scale is determined by two processes not necessarily synchronized under the influence of HCG. Fat is being extracted from the cells, in which it is stored in the fatty tissue. When these cells are empty and therefore serve no purpose, the body breaks down the cellular structure and absorbs it, but breaking up of useless cells, connective tissue, blood vessels, etc., may lag behind the process of fat-extraction. When this happens the body appears to replace some of the extracted fat with water which is retained for this purpose. As water is heavier than fat the scales may show no loss of weight, although sufficient fat has actually been consumed to make up for the deficit in the 500-Calorie diet. When such tissue is finally broken down, the water is liberated and there is a sudden flood of urine and a marked loss of weight. This simple interpretation of what is really an extremely complex mechanism is the one we give those patients who want to know why it is that on certain days they do not lose, though they have committed no dietary error." (Dr. Simeons' Manuscript, 24)
 In addition, here is the description of "a plateau" and "apple day."  

"A plateau lasts 4-6 days and frequently occurs during the second half of a full course, particularly in patients that have been doing well and whose overall average of nearly a pound per effective injection has been maintained. Those who are losing more than the average all have a plateau sooner or later. A plateau always corrects, itself, but many patients who have become accustomed to a regular daily loss get unnecessarily worried. No amount of explanation convinces them that a plateau does not mean that they are no longer responding normally to treatment.
In such cases we consider it permissible, for purely psychological reasons, to break up the plateau. This can be done in two ways. One is a so-called “apple day”. An apple-day begins at lunch and continues until just before lunch of the following day. The patients are given six large apples and are told to eat one whenever they feel the desire though six apples is the maximum allowed. During an apple-day no other food or liquids except plain water are allowed and of water they may only drink just enough to quench an uncomfortable thirst if eating an apple still leaves them thirsty. Most patients feel no need for water and are quite happy with their six apples. Needless to say, an apple-day may never be given on the day on which there is no injection. The apple-day produces a gratifying loss of weight on the following day, chiefly due to the elimination of water. This water is not regained when the patients resume their normal 500-calorie diet at lunch, and on the following days they continue to lose weight satisfactorily." (Dr. Simeons' Manuscript, 24-25)
Typically, my opinion of an apple day is that it is just that "permissable, for purely psychological reasons."  I have done an apple day successfully only a couple times before. It just seems so difficult to only eat 6 apples from noon one day to noon the next.  Also, a plateau is going to break when it is going to break and a 4-6 day plateau is nothing compared to how  long plateaus can last losing weight the old fashioned way.  

So, anyway I think I am just going to continue sticking to protocol rather than put myself through an apple day.  I just feel an apple day is too risky for me- I usually end up cheating when I try this approach and that is just not worth it...  Anyway, I hope this helps out those who need a little real life application in conjunction with the manuscript!

Happy HCGing!
(still haven't taken pictures... I am not sure when I will get to it- these last two days of the week are looking to be a little crazy!  I will get them taken sooner than later, though!  I can't wait to see the difference in photo form!)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

It all evens out in the wash

P2 R2, VLCD Day 8
weigh in:  159.2 lbs
loss of: 0.0 

Total loss to date:  (from lowest weight) 6.2 pounds in 7 completed VLCD Days- still pretty good...
(from start of R2) 7.2 pounds
(including load weight) 12.8 pounds in 9 days (including load days)

It all evens out in the wash.  This is so true!  Yes, I come flying out of the gates early on, but one can only lose so much in a certain amount of time.  So here I am hitting a stall (I think just a natural stall and also because I have been sick) and so I like to remind myself of how much I have lost in how many days.  This will break, I need to trust that even though every time a stall happens I am disappointed. :) 

Anyway, I feel much better today.  I did end up increasing my Vitamin C yesterday (didn't have any zinc) and it cleared up my ear, which is awesome because I can live with a stuffed up head for a little while.  Those earaches are the worst, though.  

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions!  I haven't had the energy or time to take pictures yet, but will soon.  I am still basically 160 pounds- so hopefully I can get them done today.

Hope you all are well!