Monday, April 30, 2012

Pursuit of health

I am doing alright lately.  Got down to 162, and then realized I am still focused on the wrong point. I am in this transition period:  How do I go about becoming the athletic, healthy person I desire to be?  Do I want it bad enough?  I am not eating quite like I should and definitely not thinking about changing on a much larger scale to achieve what I think it is I want.

I am not eating enough of the right food.
I am worrying about the scale!  When am I going to get a clue?
I have been obsessed with diet, and not really sure how to transition to a lifestyle where I am working my ass off (or rather making rounder :)) and eating the correct foods and amounts to achieve this.
Need to get some books and make a plan.

I am going to be posting menus in a newly formed tab soon- to illustrate what and how much I am eating.  But for now I am just trying to wrap my brain around the idea of really going for it.  I know all of my excuses are not legit, but I am dreaming currently and flooding my mind with images such as the deluge of following images and inspiration.  Enjoy!

Got to make a change.  Got to figure out just how I am going to do it.  And then I have to start.  From Pursuit of skinniness to the Pursuit of health and fitness.

Thinking about pursuing the athlete within...

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Day 1

weigh in:  164.0 pounds
loss of:   1.0 pound

Okay, here we go... :)

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

a good day, indeed...

Yep, it turned out to be a good day. :)

No nap for me today.  I stayed off the computer.  I got so much done and feel so happy about it!   ...I also, drank more water, stuck to my menu and feel great this evening.    

Also, just so you all know this nagging depression I have been experiencing is not recent.  It has been over a year or so (and reoccurring throughout my life so far).  I know it is not going to disappear overnight.  I may struggle my whole life, but for today I felt hope and not a fake smile til you convince everyone kind of hope... it felt real and that I can be proud of.  

Sometimes it irritates me so much that I pretend everything is alright when in reality I just want to keep digging my hole.  So, for what ever it is worth today I expressed an honest joyfulness and tomorrow is another day... I hope the planets stay aligned. lol! :) 

I am off to brew some tea, stretch and breathe and end with a little bath.

A good end to a day.   

Today is the day

I woke up this morning and all of the sudden decided today is the day.  What am I waiting for?  Apparently, I needed to address what happened and move on.  I learned what I could and appreciated that part of my journey.

So, I hopped on the scale:  165.0 pounds

Crazy stable, right?!  So here I go and now all that is left to do is keep on blogging and fighting every day to get to where I want to be.

I am also thinking the concept behind this blog will now be something like:  Going Against the Grain

It has multiple meanings for me in particular.  Obviously, a paleo-diet implication.  It also speaks to my recent deviations from majority held beliefs and actions.  I want to be able to continue to talk about all the things that create passion within me while sharing my personal story.

Edit to add:  Just wanted to share.  As I typed this post this morning I noticed certain feelings...  For the first time in awhile I feel an odd sense of hope and energy to take on the day.  I have been kind of stuck in a rut and going through a smiling depression.  My thoughts have been a prison and for today I feel a certain freedom.  I have been sitting down and today I feel a desire to make steps towards some of the goals I have only been pining for.  I don't feel my usual kind of melancholy pity.  I hope I can hold onto this lightness, but for now I am going to indulge these feelings of motivation and excitement and get on with the day.  So I will leave this computer and see where the day leads me.   


Monday, April 23, 2012

And here I am.

As you all have been able to see, I have seemingly disappeared.  Well, I am still here.  I just have not been quite sure on how to transition and explain everything.

My time on the SugarFree Protocol was enlightening while being very engulfing.  I had no problems with the protocol and the diet.  The only thing I can say about the protocol itself is that you better be prepared for an all-consuming endeavor.  Although, I managed to get everything timed just right it was difficult... and you eat a lot of food- a lot.  I have maintained insanely well.  However, I have just moved to following Paleo-Lifestyle principles.  I eat when I want (one main meal, sometimes a second small one), some days I do fast-- and there is such a wealth of information out there you could become obsessed. :)  Topics for future posts, I suppose.  I am having difficulty though preparing my mind to go down in weight and measurement again.  I want to, I just don't feel ready.

Anyway, the reason why I disappeared from the Protocol was a personal and professional issue I had with the Protocol's author and coach.  I could go into great detail about many frustrations I had, but I will leave it as simply this:  Three days before I was to go onto Maintenance she informed me I needed to send another $200.  So, I already paid $200 in the beginning that was made clear to be my only cost to her.  From the start she should have told me it will cost $400- half to be paid now and the other half to be paid before Maintenance.  I would have known and been able to make an decision from there.  Instead I had become fully invested and then right at the last minute and really for the most important part I was surprised with a new additional fee.  We ultimately, went back and forth and I was going to pay $100 for Maintenance, but then over the weekend I just couldn't muster paying even this.  When we make mistakes in our business we take the full responsibility and don't get irritated or snippy with our clients.  I just could not go on with her.  This was the "straw that broke the camel's back" for me.  I could put up with a lot and be patient, tolerant because I had much at stake, but there are just some things that aren't worth it.  I would rather take on a very complicated situation on my own rather than pay any more out of principle.

So, that is what I did.  And here I am.

Where do I want to go from here?  I am not exactly sure.  I keep wondering what I should do with this blog, but ultimately abandonment is not an option.  I guess it, and all of you hold a special place in my heart through all the ups and downs.  I think I will just figure out how to incorporate all the things I want to say here- under what kind of banner, I am not sure yet?  

Hope all are well wherever you may be!