Some of you who follow my blog know I am for the most part typically happy and positive (at least I like to think I am). You also know I can get downright low about some things and I have crappy days, as we all do. Well, yesterday was one of those crappy days and it is oozing into this day. I don't know what it is about seeing a different number bracket on the scale that makes me throw it all away. I don't know if that was really it anyway. There are some things I can't really talk about on here and then there are just those everyday, monotonous things that eventually you just want to break free from. I am a stay-at-home mom, and I love my work and I LOVE, no I ADORE my children! However, sometimes after weeks and months of constant need, need, need- whine, whine, whine- cry, cry, cry- no sleep, no sleep and no break from the little kiddos I just want to run and scream! Instead I indulge my poor mood into food and ignore the fact that I really should just ask for help and get out of the house. So, last night I just said, "Screw it! I don't care right now! It's not fair! Why do I have to fight and struggle and claw for a healthy weight?! I am going to feel sorry for myself..."
I knew I would feel this way this morning- defeated by my own self, guilty and just blah. But, I did it anyway and I threw away my hard work and effort the past few days all just to fill my belly. And, that is all it did- filled my belly... and now for Valentine's morning I feel like a slob and an idiot (hopefully I can turn things around for the rest of the day).
Anyway, I probably should just keep my lowness to myself, but in real life and no one wants to take time to listen to a whiny baby complaining about what in the grand scheme of things is really not that big of deal. So, I chose to write this and cast it into the ether (and so please accept my apology for doing so). The truth is: SO WHAT, that I have to diet and put myself through all this to lose some pounds!
There is a lot worse out there that I could be dealing with right now, and I guess this makes me feel better and worse at the same time. I am not trying to beat myself up here (well I guess maybe I am). I mean I don't want to, but sometimes that is all I can do- if that makes sense.
But I can put all this aside for the moment to let you all know how grateful I am to have you "in my life." And, I also send wishes of love and joy to each and every one of you today (even within this "thumbs down" post). I also send it to myself and of course to the one I love! Love you babe!
but who cares- I love it!)