Long and random post... just so you know :)

weigh in: 150.8 :(


I never wanted to see the 150's again, but here it is. :(  Thank you all so much for the comments as I momentarily reached the 140's, and I am sorry to disappoint with such gains.  I will be back again soon, I am sure of it! :)    


Yesterday I was up to 149.8, and thought it was just due to the fact I weighed on a different scale over the weekend and I ate at a restaurant on Sunday.  I had white fish and ate just a little of some other sides, but I guess that did it.  And, then yesterday I took a bunch of Emergen-C... 4 packets to be exact, because I felt depleted and like I could be coming down with something.  I forgot about the fact that there is sugar and carbs in each packet. :(       


Anyway, I just want to move on and start looking at how far I have come and how far I am willing to push further.  Today is VLCD Day 35.  So my average is pretty terrible, but whatever I have persisted.  I am not giving up either way.  I will get to 145.  I have 11 more days (or rather 9, I guess- 11 minus 2 load days?) to hit a full 46 day round.  And I feel resolved to get to my goal.      


As of yesterday (149.8 lbs), these were my stats:  


Total loss for Round 2:  22.2 pounds
Average loss of: 0.65/day


Today my average is down to 0.61 with a loss of 21.2 pounds for this round.


However, I neglected a special milestone I did pass and now have to briefly retract:  40 TOTAL POUNDS LOST SINCE JANUARY 22, 2011!  I will get it again!  I will get to 145 to be done with 3-15's and then only one more 15 to go to reach goal (that is if I maintain, which I will :))! 


Now in regard to the weekend, well it wasn't the best Mother's Day weekend in many ways and in others it was productive.  I really loved getting my sister-in-law started and I hope she can follow through.  I am worried, but I did all I could and now it is up to her.  No one can lose the weight for us, we have to do it ourselves.  


I brought her print-offs of the manuscript, blog posts, encouragement, helpful tips, maintenance how-to, grocery list, etc. (she doesn't have access to the internet).  And, went through it all with her.  I brought her stevia, tea, grissini breadsticks, food scale, epson salt and HCG.  I went to the grocery store with her and then we proceeded to bag all the meat into days for 34+ days... so she can just get a bag out and that is what she will eat for the day.  (I would like to do this for myself next time, too- I think it would be helpful.)  Anyway, she needs a lot of help and someone to believe in her.  Hopefully in time and great losses, she will start to believe in herself and become extremely determined to do this for herself and herself alone.  


It is so hard, (even for me, as you can plainly see... I finally get to the 140's and BAM right back to 150).  But we all have to struggle and even start to revel in the struggle- if that makes sense?  We have to want the struggle.  We have to rise to the struggle, ask for the struggle in a sense for it only makes us stronger.  


Recently, I revised and added to the birth story of Paine for another blog asking all willing mothers to share their birth stories.  How does this relate to right now?  Well, it took me back to why I am here.  Why I have to go through the process of losing weight again, and most importantly why I am glad and proud to do so.  I took the following picture down a couple days after I posted the above linked post.  I started getting embarrassed and thinking people would be grossed out, and I thought I looked fat.  I know, completely ridiculous!  I even put the "Content Warning" notice on my blog because of the following picture.  I wrote the following edit while preparing this post to share with other mamas: 

"I think this is the most favorite picture I have of myself and I am most definitely not even close to a size 4. :)  This was taken by my wonderful doula minutes after I had Paine.  

He is in my arms.  I am upright, oh so happy and strong.  And I can even say I feel like I look beautiful.  There is no rushing around or sense of concern or panic.  He is not lying all alone on a table out of my reach with strangers all around like minute old pictures of my daughters.  He is safe, warm and close to the mama who carried and grew him all those past months."

             

It is true, this is the best picture I have and will ever have of myself.  It is raw, exposed, and beautiful.  I am not posing or fretting over a picture taken of me.  I am in the moment of meeting my son.  


My body has gone through three pregnancies and my tummy is not responding as well as I hoped, but who cares?!  I mean, who really cares?  I just want to take a moment and respect my choices, respect my motherhood, and most of all respect my body in all of its glory!  Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves, and we forget to look at how amazing each and everyone of us are (at any weight)!  It really isn't about a number on the scale, it is about setting out to do something you said you were going to do and in the process gaining immense satisfaction and a great sense of achievement and confidence.  


The people on this journey all have reasons for the extra weight.  I think at times I sigh too much over my reasons.  I would like to transform that mournful sigh into a gratified staunchness.  I am here for the long haul and I am proud of my body for growing (to maximum capacity :)) while growing the little human beings who fill my life with glee!       


Oh, and PS:  I am pretty short to answer a question of a new follower, thanks for following, btw:  5' 4".... so my ideal weight is anywhere between 121 and 129.  My goal is 130 for the time being.  Check out the "Instant Health Snapshot" widget in the sidebar.  It is a quick and easy way to plug in some numbers.  I am still considered "Overweight" until I hit 145.  So that is my goal for this round to get to a "Normal" BMI.