Hello!

Yes, I know you all probably don't want to read another stupid post from me ever again, especially since I have been all over the place. :)

It has been a crazy few years for me trying to figure things out.  Still no where close, but feeling better and better.  I haven't really been writing on my other blog, but hope to start up again more consistently.  I just wrote a post about a new thing I am giving a go to try and help me get back to a more healthy size.  I ballooned back up to 180 now for a couple years and have been struggling with what to do about it.  I have been eating well and enjoying food, but really was getting discouraged about my weight.  I am making a little progress now and hope to keep going in a positive way.  You can read about it here.  It seems every year around this time I get the inkling to write something. :)  Hopefully, I can just keep up a little more and get excited about something again!  

Hope you all are having a beautiful St. Patrick's Day and I rather miss this little place from time to time. :)

Looking for feedback...

...I am so sorry to those of you who may still check in from time to time on this blog.  But, I am trying to prepare myself to show my new blog to a bigger audience: Family Forks.  However, I am unsure and I suppose a little insecure about it and would absoluetly appreciate some of my current followers input! :)  You all have been so important to me over the years, the ones who comment and the ones who don't either...  So if you have time, hop on over and give me your advice, opinions, encouragment and/or just plain honest comments of "What the hell are you thinking?!" :)  

Hope you all are doing well and I thank you in advance!

  

Family Forks

Hi, everyone!!!

I am so excited to announce a new blog I am creating at the moment.

I have needed a place to write about some new changes I am trying to implement in our family.  It is not just about weight this time for me.  I will be writing about my experiences, successes and failures of learning to cook food packed with nourishment.  I am also, making all of my own toiletries, cleaning products, makeup...

Eventually, I hope to be at a place where I am gardening, maybe even have chickens, canning, fermenting, dehydrating, etc.  I am enthusiastic about current changes and hopeful I can make real meaningful change in our families health and well being.  Getting back to basics, and finding a joy for the kitchen I never knew I could have (except for the excessive dishes now. :))!

So, if you feel so inclined take a look at my new website and tell me what you think!

I have so enjoyed my time here and will forever hold a special place in my heart for you all!  You guys are some of the most amazing people I have met and I am so grateful for the wonderful friendships I have made through our collective and yet individual journeys.
Hope all are well!

Family Forks

 

To great lengths...

Time flies by so quickly, sometimes I find myself wondering how could I be so busy and yet not get anything done. :)  All is going along pretty well.  I haven't started purposely losing weight yet.  I have lost 4 pounds without trying since I last posted.  Nothing fancy or incredible, but I will take it!  At least it is not in the usual upward motion.  I am quite heavy for what I got used to there for awhile and starting to feel pressure to kick it into high gear.  I don't want to go through another summer like last... feeling terribly uncomfortable and longing to fit into that cute sundress hanging in my closet torturing my soul. :)  I am just going to try and calm down and enjoy feeling a bit better.  I am able to control depression feelings as of late and for me that is just awesome!  I had a setback a couple weeks ago and still having huge energy problems.  I think I really need to get in and have my thyroid and adrenals tested.  I also, may just try the other tips specifically for thyroid in The Diet Cure too.  I just haven't found the motivation.

I took a picture of myself tonight, and I don't know how to feel about these pictures I take of myself sometimes.  I feel like it is just horrible vanity and so ridiculous, and then another part of me absolutely loves to feel good about an image other than a reflection in a mirror that is not so forgiving.  I can crop and edit color to make my image look so much better. :)  So for now I am enjoying this look and check out my hair!!!  This was actually the main purpose of this photo.  I believe this is the longest my hair has ever been in my whole life!  It is pretty healthy too!  At times I just want to chop it all off, but this picture reminds me that I don't really want to... not just yet. :)  

Here's to finding something about yourself that makes you smile.  Today, for me it is my hair... 

Goodnight to you all!

Diet Peace

Supplements, supplements... supplements galore!  When I started reading The Diet Cure, I was a bit concerned about the list of supplements I was forming.  Then I was a became a little more concerned at the checkout counter. :) (So far I have spent $100 on supplements and $10 on the book.  Please note:  the amino acids are not to be taken forever, once one starts eating properly and deficiencies have been repaired their consumption can be ceased (unless stress occurs and a little extra boost is needed).  The basic supplements: good multi, extra Vit C, Magnesium, Calcium, Fish Oil, B Vitamins will be maintained for life, theoretically.)

The process of taking all of the supplements started out difficult.  I now take them without any issues.  I became really sick with a headache and stomachache on the second day.  I had to even cancel my daughter's basketball practice (I am coaching, 2nd and 3rd graders- it is awesome and out of my comfort zone being heavier and such).  Anyway, I determined that I must have taken the supplements incorrectly and decided to write down just what, when and how much I should take.  (Should have done this in the first place. :))

Things started improving except for my energy.  I should have had boundless energy on all of these supplements and changing dietary habits.  I got my Implanon out of my arm two days ago and feel AMAZING!  It is as if a dark cloud has been lifted.  The supplements seem to currently be working.  My body seems to be thanking me for the flood of nutrition and expulsion of continuous hormone holding it back.  I actually want to eat chicken, spinach, broccoli, pork chops with no stealing bites of sugary foods.  I tried to eat an Oatmeal Cream Pie a couple days ago.  I took a bite, and said to myself, "I remember these tasting so good last week."  Took another bite, spit it out and threw the rest away.  I NEVER do this!  Once I start eating something sugary, in the past I usually finish it and perhaps even take another one!  I feel like I can do this now!

I actually have a plan hearkening back to some of my more darker dieting days.  I am going to try out a more rigorous weight loss plan for three weeks using these supplements to help me through.  My sugar/carb cravings are under control now and almost effortlessly, too!  So I think this might work out.  I, then plan on transitioning to a "naturally led" diet looking to The Diet Cure diet outlines, Paleo basics and whatever else may develop from my journey as guides and inspiration.  I don't want to force myself anymore, and beat myself up when I can't sustain the decrees I make to my body.   

So far so good!  The vast world of dieting/health can be daunting and we each have to find our place.  Sometimes that "place" changes many times.  It has for me.  I am just hoping to find a place of peace in this area of my life (ie. no more dieting, wishing I was slimmer and rather focus on overall health).  I however, have full knowledge the work will never be "done" and new obstacles will arise, but achieving a sense of stability and control is my goal!  Can it be obtained?  Is this "it" for me, I sure hope so!  My husband can't take too many more of these "plans." :):) 

Take care, my friends!

And thanks for the continued support!  Here is a reply to your comments in the post below, so you don't have to go back and check:


Thanks LD! Always a delight to see you here and other places too!:)  And CM- I almost gave up, but I am persisting and so far it really seems to be gelling for me?  Time will tell!  Thanks Valerie for commenting!  I know, I used to think HCG was the cure-all, but eventually I found myself having many more problems than just a weight problem.  I will have to check out the website you cited.  Sounds great!  I am completely sold on the whole concept that low calorie diets or counting cals/working-out-til-you-drop is not the way to go (for me at least).  I was trying to go Paleo, but just could not curb my cravings.  I was driving myself crazy trying so desperately, but I think I just depleted myself so far that I couldn't break the cycle with will power alone.  Now I feel as though I might stand a fighting chance. :)

Thanks everyone!  

       

The Diet Cure, crossing fingers!

Hello, hello!

I think it so interesting that we all kind of share a rhythm.  I haven't checked my blog in months, and today I decided to get on and to my surprise some of my old friends have been writing again within the past couple days!  Great to see you ladies!

Anyway, lots of changes are starting to occur for me, and I am quite excited and hopeful!

It has been a hard struggle for me now coming up on 2 years.  I haven't been able to find a solution to not only my fat problem, but my ever-increasing mood and energy problem.  I have gone back to HCG in desperation and failed miserably.  I just can't even get past a week on Protocol anymore.  I cannot even limit certain foods anymore.  I have been in need of help for quite some time and I am determined to find it...  I have been reading books, following blogs and contacting people who follow a seemingly effortless lifestyle of preparing their own foods, fermenting foods, making their own beauty products, raising their own chickens, etc...  I have wanted to make a change for so long now, but haven't found the right stepping stone to get me there.  Perhaps just now I have?

Recently, I ran across a post made on Facebook about an amino acid that could curb your sugar cravings within hours.  I have been killing myself for my lack of "self-discipline," and my seemingly insatiable desire to eat junk and then starve myself out of punishment and disappointment in myself.  I was introduced to a book called, The Diet Cure, by Julia Ross, M.A.

I ordered it for $10 on Amazon.  I am still perusing its pages and formulating my specific plan.  However, I have bought the main amino acids suggested in the book.  L-glutamine (for sugar carvings), L-tryosine (for low-energy), GABA (natural Valium- helps one to relax! Love this supplement so far!), 5-HTP (increases serotonin  helps with depression and even our obsession with dieting!), DLPA (natural painkiller- emotional and physical pain- helps you cope more effectively).  I been taking these along with the basic supplement requirements listed (I will go into more detail later.)  So far, I am so impressed and happy with the results.  If I am having a hankering for some sugar I take L-glutamine and immediately get on with preparing a nutritious meal stocked with high quality vegetables, protein and quality fats.  Before my sugar and carb cravings seemed unable to be controlled by my will and knowledge alone.  I would typically give in and eat something fast, processed and totally void of nutrition to raise my blood sugar levels.  I have also given L-glutamine to my little 2 year old (just crack open a pill and put it in their mouth- tastes good) and to my surprise he didn't whine and beg for the plethora of fruit in our fridge and juice.  He asked for eggs and gobbled down three!!!  This never happens with him, he will maybe eat a couple bites if I force him.  So in his little body that unfortunately, I have made addicted to sugar the results were immediate!

I however, don't want to just paint this as a complete pretty picture with no difficulties.  So far, I am still having extreme energy problems in the evenings and it is relatively complicated to try and figure just what combination you need and just what is unbalanced in your body.  I am trying to sort it out as I go, but first item to address since I am not having great success with some of the amino acids is get my Implanon birth control out of my arm.  I think it may be interfering with my efforts as of late.  Next is to address thyroid and adrenals that have been exhausted and put under extreme stress by my overdieting.

I am so tired of "dieting."  It is just killing me and my self-esteem.  But that is what we do in this country, because we don't know what else to do.  I know I have, and I just have to believe there is a better way.  I am on a mission to turn this treacherous cycle around for me.  Hopefully, I can get myself pretty balanced within the next 3 months and the weight will follow along as I naturally want and desire to eat differently.  I will try to go in further depth at a later date, and just can't wait to see if this will really work long term for me!

Week One Down!

I would have been updating all along this past week, but there has been computer problems going on around here.

So what is the week's result:  Down 7.8 pounds!

I say that is pretty darn good.  I am feeling so good and so very proud of myself.  I haven't been able to stick to anything for quite a long while and I feel like I can sustain this diet to the end.  I didn't experience any of the headaches or feeling poor either of detoxing.  It must have been the really good quality fats I loaded with instead of too much sugar.

The yoga is going wonderfully, and I am so very thankful to my oldest daughter for performing each session with me each night.  She has kept me with it and we have had such a great time together.  I love it so much, I wonder why I ever stopped! :)

I am on my way, and with a little persistence I will be back to my old self in no time.  I am just taking it one day at a time and relaxing into the process.  Enjoying it even!

3 more weeks to go!  And, then on to settling into a doable and sustainable maintenance.

Hope everyone is having a happy fall!  Love fall!

New Plan: Hello, again! Day 1

I don't really know how to start this post.  If you are a loyal reader you know I have been through HCG, been very successful, started reading HCG was bad for you, decided I believed it to, went through with various other avenues to try and control my weight, got completely depressed about the whole process and myself... and now I am going back to HCG.

Now, I still believe the HCG diet is not that great for you, and there are many other wonderful options out there for people.  I sincerely believe I lost hold of stabilizing because I was torn, lost focus and a belief in what I was doing.  However, I don't really care anymore I guess.  I weighed in this morning and it is pretty bad:  181.8 pounds.

That's right people.  I have been feeling miserable, and not because I am tipping the scales at my old weight again, but because I have just been spiraling out of control.  So I decided I am going to do another month long round of HCG.  October is going to be the month!  Tomorrow is the first and today I am loading.  

The first item on the list to eat for loading:  Baked Oatmeal

Oh my word!  This stuff is amazing and so, so good for you!  Check out the link!  So I started out loading not with my usual list of terrible food, but rather with a nutritious meal packed with good fats, proteins, minerals etc, etc.  I soaked the steel cut oats last night and my little ones and I dined on a delicious pan of goodness straight out of the oven.  My kids love this meal!  My baby has not been eating much and this morning he just gobbled up a huge plate of the yummy oatmeal smothered in cream and topped with blueberries.  It makes me so happy to feed them well. 

So yes, I have incorporated healthful things in our lives for my children, but right now I am going to dig deep and get back to a good ole' round of HCG.  My icthyosis is flaring up again, and from previous posts some of you may know HCG is the only thing that has actually eliminated this skin eruption from visibility.  I can't wait to feel great and lose some weight.

So whatever people have to say about it, I am getting back to HCG.  My plan is to seriously dedicate myself to a full month and then prepare to transition into a different way of living.  I will be posting periodically about said way of living and trying to clear things up in my mind of how and what this means for me.  It is extremely difficult to change, but I am going to make an effort.

I will be trying out the HCG diet with a few alterations:  1. Still going to drink whole cream in my coffee in the morning. 2. Going to try out fried eggs this time.  and, I will update any further deviations I may try...

I also, may incorporate this meal replacement on days that I may not have the energy or time to eat according to plan (these days are inevitable for me, especially running around constantly getting kids to all of the various places they need to be):  Primal Fuel  It does have some carbs and sugars, but I will see how it reacts to this diet.  Also going to add this supplement:  Advanced Health Formula

Also, I will still be dedicating myself to completing my yoga book once again too!  This will be a time to back track to old familiar places that have worked in the past and can work again.

So there you have it my friends!  I said hello, I said goodbye and now I say Hello, again! :)

Can't wait to take a picture of myself without worrying about angles and cropping to make it look like I am slimmer than I am.  Although, I love this picture- I took it to make myself feel better about myself and instead it makes me just feel worse, because if anyone were to see me in real life it wouldn't add up... So here is to starting to take care of myself again and in the process feeling so much better!  

Update: Ordered the supplements and can't wait to try them out, especially the meal replacement.  In the past there have been those days that I have just wasted because I was bored and didn't want to fix anything and so started to eat something off protocol.  This might help?  Who knows!  

Actually a plan starting to form!

As of yesterday I have been in the process of formulating a plan.  I am actually feeling like I can and want to start taking care of myself.  

I am planning on giving The Primal Blueprint 30 day Challenge a go.  I need to obtain resources to do this, such as supplements and a few books.  I just am not that clear on how to go about the Challenge as of now. I need to read up and get prepared.  But, I believe this is what I am going to choose as my challenge to get me out of this rut and hopefully on a path that will turn into something lifelong.

I am a bit overwhelmed.  So...  

...I am pulling out my old yoga book.  I need something familiar to go along.  I know it seems rather corny, but I absolutely love this book!  I made a determination to follow this book for the full 28 days a few times in my past and each time it has made small and yet profound impacts on my life.  I thought I might as well incorporate this simple book into the plan too.

In addition, I am going to make a commitment to start blogging again.  This blog is an actual visible, tangible expression of my progress (or lack there of, sometimes :)).  Remaining accountable to this little journal and all of you out there who follow causes me more directly to answer to myself.  I am going to try to write more for me than the audience too.  I don't mean this as rude at all!  Sometimes blogging can be wonderful, if it comes from a raw and untamed place.  And on the other hand blogging for me, can be actually detrimental, if it comes from a self-conscious and "outside of myself" place.  Now that doesn't mean I am going to reveal all, :) but it does mean I am going to consciously decide if my writing is aimed at actually improving my life and health.  If you all find it interesting all the better! :)  I am going to really make a strong effort and draw on that determined spirit I have had in the past, for which I am most certain I can summon again.

More to follow, as things become more clear.

P.S. Thanks my loyal, awesome friends for your comments and presence!  

...just a little scared

Hello, hello! :)

Helderheid... you inspired me to write a post.  I was so glad to see your post!  You have done awesome and can't wait to see what more you do!

So here I am tentatively peeking my head around the corner, shyly dipping my foot in the water... insert any analogy here for someone who has stayed in the shadows for way too long and is just a little scared of the blinding spotlight.

...the self-confrontation spotlight is what I speak of tonight.  I have been ignoring myself for a long time now and to tell you all quite honestly I am kind of scared of acknowledging myself again.

I am scared of telling you all how I have fallen off the wagon about a hundred miles ago, rolled down a steep cliff, landed in a pile of something, not sure what :) and am sitting at the bottom not doing a damn thing to get myself out.

Also, I just read a post by Sheryl, aka. Bitch Cakes on her blog that may illuminate my struggles a bit more:  A Neurotic Glamour Girl's Weight Watchers Experience and Fitness Adventures

Something struck me in her most recent post:

  "I don't recall a specific moment or incident when I suddenly began to accept myself, but if I had to think about what caused the change, I am certain it started pretty early on in the journey. That’s important to note because the self acceptance didn't happen when I became a certain size or weight. It began to evolve simply from the act of taking care of myself - in regards to both food and activity. By taking control of my choices and my life, I was telling myself I was neither worthless nor hopeless like I had told myself for so long.

Making those positive changes meant I mattered. And making those better choices helped me repair the mental and emotional damage I had caused and subjected myself to for so long. By taking care of myself I was finally showing myself love and kindness and compassion - which I’m certain was what planted the seeds of self-acceptance." 

Self-Acceptance at Fit Bloggin, Bitch Cakes

Self-acceptance doesn't come from a certain size or weight, but rather "from the simple act of taking care of oneself."  Wow!  It just kind of hit me like a ton of bricks.  That is what these feelings of "worthlessness and hopelessness" come from- not doing anything to take care of myself!!!

I have been beating myself up non-stop this summer telling myself it isn't that difficult, what is your problem?!  Get it together already!  I get up and go for a couple days and then slip back, hit repeat button.  Taking steps towards caring for myself again might be the thing that breaks the cycle?  And, I am just a little scared.  That may sound ridiculous but it is the perfectionist/defeatist in me that makes me think I shouldn't even give it a try because I may fail.  However, the simple truth is I am already failing.  Not because I am no longer a size 8, but because I am sitting down.  Ultimately, all those inspirational photos are worthless if you don't take just one and let it get down into your soul, if you all can understand what I am trying to say.

Now I am not saying tomorrow morning I am going to wake up ready to go, but I am saying maybe just maybe you all might see me again. :)

Miss you all and I send out my love to each and every one of you!
Maybe I can turn this thing around yet!

Be well.

Pursuit of health

I am doing alright lately.  Got down to 162, and then realized I am still focused on the wrong point. I am in this transition period:  How do I go about becoming the athletic, healthy person I desire to be?  Do I want it bad enough?  I am not eating quite like I should and definitely not thinking about changing on a much larger scale to achieve what I think it is I want.

I am not eating enough of the right food.

I am worrying about the scale!  When am I going to get a clue?

I have been obsessed with diet, and not really sure how to transition to a lifestyle where I am working my ass off (or rather making rounder :)) and eating the correct foods and amounts to achieve this.

Need to get some books and make a plan.

I am going to be posting menus in a newly formed tab soon- to illustrate what and how much I am eating.  But for now I am just trying to wrap my brain around the idea of really going for it.  I know all of my excuses are not legit, but I am dreaming currently and flooding my mind with images such as the deluge of following images and inspiration.  Enjoy!

Got to make a change.  Got to figure out just how I am going to do it.  And then I have to start.  From Pursuit of skinniness to the Pursuit of health and fitness.

Thinking about pursuing the athlete within...

Day 1

weigh in:  164.0 pounds
loss of:   1.0 pound

Okay, here we go... :)

a good day, indeed...

Yep, it turned out to be a good day. :)


No nap for me today.  I stayed off the computer.  I got so much done and feel so happy about it!   ...I also, drank more water, stuck to my menu and feel great this evening.    


Also, just so you all know this nagging depression I have been experiencing is not recent.  It has been over a year or so (and reoccurring throughout my life so far).  I know it is not going to disappear overnight.  I may struggle my whole life, but for today I felt hope and not a fake smile til you convince everyone kind of hope... it felt real and that I can be proud of.  


Sometimes it irritates me so much that I pretend everything is alright when in reality I just want to keep digging my hole.  So, for what ever it is worth today I expressed an honest joyfulness and tomorrow is another day... I hope the planets stay aligned. lol! :) 


I am off to brew some tea, stretch and breathe and end with a little bath.


A good end to a day.   

Today is the day

I woke up this morning and all of the sudden decided today is the day.  What am I waiting for?  Apparently, I needed to address what happened and move on.  I learned what I could and appreciated that part of my journey.

So, I hopped on the scale:  165.0 pounds

Crazy stable, right?!  So here I go and now all that is left to do is keep on blogging and fighting every day to get to where I want to be.

I am also thinking the concept behind this blog will now be something like:  Going Against the Grain

It has multiple meanings for me in particular.  Obviously, a paleo-diet implication.  It also speaks to my recent deviations from majority held beliefs and actions.  I want to be able to continue to talk about all the things that create passion within me while sharing my personal story.

Edit to add:  Just wanted to share.  As I typed this post this morning I noticed certain feelings...  For the first time in awhile I feel an odd sense of hope and energy to take on the day.  I have been kind of stuck in a rut and going through a smiling depression.  My thoughts have been a prison and for today I feel a certain freedom.  I have been sitting down and today I feel a desire to make steps towards some of the goals I have only been pining for.  I don't feel my usual kind of melancholy pity.  I hope I can hold onto this lightness, but for now I am going to indulge these feelings of motivation and excitement and get on with the day.  So I will leave this computer and see where the day leads me.   

    

 

And here I am.

As you all have been able to see, I have seemingly disappeared.  Well, I am still here.  I just have not been quite sure on how to transition and explain everything.

My time on the SugarFree Protocol was enlightening while being very engulfing.  I had no problems with the protocol and the diet.  The only thing I can say about the protocol itself is that you better be prepared for an all-consuming endeavor.  Although, I managed to get everything timed just right it was difficult... and you eat a lot of food- a lot.  I have maintained insanely well.  However, I have just moved to following Paleo-Lifestyle principles.  I eat when I want (one main meal, sometimes a second small one), some days I do fast-- and there is such a wealth of information out there you could become obsessed. :)  Topics for future posts, I suppose.  I am having difficulty though preparing my mind to go down in weight and measurement again.  I want to, I just don't feel ready.

Anyway, the reason why I disappeared from the Protocol was a personal and professional issue I had with the Protocol's author and coach.  I could go into great detail about many frustrations I had, but I will leave it as simply this:  Three days before I was to go onto Maintenance she informed me I needed to send another $200.  So, I already paid $200 in the beginning that was made clear to be my only cost to her.  From the start she should have told me it will cost $400- half to be paid now and the other half to be paid before Maintenance.  I would have known and been able to make an decision from there.  Instead I had become fully invested and then right at the last minute and really for the most important part I was surprised with a new additional fee.  We ultimately, went back and forth and I was going to pay $100 for Maintenance, but then over the weekend I just couldn't muster paying even this.  When we make mistakes in our business we take the full responsibility and don't get irritated or snippy with our clients.  I just could not go on with her.  This was the "straw that broke the camel's back" for me.  I could put up with a lot and be patient, tolerant because I had much at stake, but there are just some things that aren't worth it.  I would rather take on a very complicated situation on my own rather than pay any more out of principle.

So, that is what I did.  And here I am.

Where do I want to go from here?  I am not exactly sure.  I keep wondering what I should do with this blog, but ultimately abandonment is not an option.  I guess it, and all of you hold a special place in my heart through all the ups and downs.  I think I will just figure out how to incorporate all the things I want to say here- under what kind of banner, I am not sure yet?  

Hope all are well wherever you may be!        

Life change

I haven't had a chance to give thanks to you, my friends.  So, without further ado... thank you all for the thoughtful and insightful comments below.  You all are so good to me and support me at my weakest.

This second week has been tougher, but I also believe great strides have been made too.  I am going to continue the march on this road to health whether it kills me or not. :) lol!  No, I am just kidding... but seriously can sugar just be eliminated from the face of the Earth already?  Please?!  It would make this so much easier. :) :)

I know if I persevere the reward will be incredible and I will be able to release the grasp sugar has on me.  Easter is coming up, and I swear those damnable Cadbury Chocolate Eggs are around every corner.  I am sure if I put one in my mouth it would taste revoltingly sweet, but that still doesn't dislodge the idea from my brain.

I will get through this.  I will get through this. :)

Honestly, it is so embarrassing to discuss these seemingly overpowering cravings.  I wonder what is wrong with me?  But, I know there is nothing wrong with me that I can't fix.  You gotta want to be and feel better more than you want that disgusting, terrible, poison of sugary whatever.

I am entering my third week on SugarFree Protocol and I am determined to make this week awesome!  I love this Protocol, but life change-- any way you cut it...is freaking hard. lol!  However, I just see a future of fitness, health and happiness.  I can see it!  I know it is there and I am going to take it!  This is a springboard, a foundation to build upon.  So here is to determination, perseverance and health!             

I will close for now.  I am here for you all, and I know you all are here for me.  With happy, health wishes to you all, goodnight!

“Be well, do good work, and keep in touch”. Garrison Keillor 
(American writer and broadcaster b.1942)

Okay, for real I am ending this post...  But just wanted to put in this:  We are expecting snow tonight.  Ahhh, summertime dreaming. :)

A better me

As of today, I have lost 8.6 pounds on SugarFree Protocol.  I had great measurements yesterday and am so happy with this diet so far.

However, as you all know I have some issues with success and failure.  I initiate self sabotage when either one occurs.  Yesterday evening, I cheated.  This morning I called up my coach on this journey with a regretful shame.  She however, made me realize I really need to take a look at this on deeper levels.  She made me feel so much better that this is not weakness, but rather a learning opportunity.  I really do need to learn about this at a root level and move on with my life.  I do think a lot of it stems from my mother (you guys know a lot of this background).  There are other factors too, which I need to work through with some help.

I just feel hopeful and happy to be on this journey.  I am going to not only become a slimmer me, but also a better me.

Hope you all are well and as always enjoying transformations on many levels! :)      

Discussion

Holy, moly!  I thought we just had to worry about religion, politics and sex as hot topics not to discuss. lol! :)  

Thank you helderheid and SugarFree for being so open and discussing all of these issues right here.  I know I follow some blogs that diet in ways I would never choose, but they still have something of value to me.  Perhaps it is an "agree to disagree" situation.

I would like to take a moment and just offer up my own personal experience.  I started HCG in 2009 and was a complete diehard for about 2 years.  Due to certain circumstances I started wavering in my belief about HCG.  I could not stick to HCG Protocol.  I could not lose more weight.  I did not feel well, and eventually gained back a lot of weight.

I now have gone from theory to practice (granted it has been only one week :))on the SugarFree Protocol ... I am obviously a believer so far.  I will continue to put it to the test, and the true testament for me will be maintenance.  This morning I woke up to another pound loss to take me up to a 7.6 pound loss in 5 days.  I should have gained according to Simeon's Protocol after eating a huge 9 ounce pork chop with potato and sour cream along with a ton of greens cooked in butter.  However, what makes me a believer more than the weight loss is my daily blood sugar tests and how I feel.  I have never felt better!  I have energy that was never possible while I was on HCG.  My fasting blood sugar started out really low at the beginning of this week- 63 low 70's (too much insulin being pumped out keeping them low) and now this morning my fasting insulin was 83.

So, what am I saying here?  I am merely saying all I can offer is my personal experience on this blog.  My experience so happens to take me away from HCG to try something else.  I do, however believe a more middle ground is where I would like to stand on this subject.  Dieting can be such a frustrating and at times painful experience.  It can also be enlightening and fun!  Anyone on this journey deserves respect and care.

I know while on HCG I made great reflections and learned a lot about myself and made extremely wonderful friends!  You all know who you are. ;)  It is ultimately what brought me to where I am now, a place of hope again.  And in this, I hope that in whatever and however we choose to walk the path of trying to get healthy we continue to have the courage to talk about what we believe will all the passion we can muster.  That is how things get better, dialog and listening.

I wish you all a happy weekend!  And thanks again for the discussion that occurred here.  People who come to this blog can read and make their own determinations.

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.  Confucius

Chinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC) 

In addition, just thought I would put a picture of me with my sweet little middle child taken yesterday.  We are so anxious for spring and can't wait until all the snow has melted.  But for now we are going to enjoy the sunshine.  Put on some yellow and gear up for spring!   

Edit to include:

I have never wanted to jump into the diet debate even on HCG.  It is not one of my crusades. :)  I have plenty, but this is not one of them.  It is a topic I really don't have adequate knowledge or extreme passion to debate.  I merely give a personal account.  That is where my sort of passion lies- telling my story.  Whether it helps or hurts I take responsibility.  I post personal diet information out there (HCG and SugarFree Protocol) not to change the mind of people, but to simply share my personal narrative.  I commend people who have done much research and are out there to make the world better... no formal education necessary.  I also, commend people who care deeply for their friends support and love them and who work really hard on their own health journey.  Thank you to helderheid and many others for sticking with me through what seems to be a controversial transition!  :)

And, thank you so much for the sweet comments.  Even at 166 pounds I am loving the person staring back at me. :)           

How my thread works...

Thanks helderheid, for the question.  It is a little confusing for sure!  So I have one thread (so one post that will get longer and longer).  You click on my name in the right column and then scroll down to find my most recent post.  You can continue to comment if you so wish... it is just on the same post. 


I post everyday (except not sure about weekends yet).  Thanks so much for all your support helderheid and LD!


And here is a funny and a more serious inspiration for today. :):)   

Hope all you out there are well!