Eat until satisfied?

Eating until full or satisfied- what a novel idea! My girls know, naturally when to quit eating why do I not?! They eat their fill and then they are done. They can't, won't and don't (even if I would allow it) eat a whole bag of M&M's or cookies. They choose tomatoes, raisins or carrots over sweets most of the time (which is so wonderful- I am proud of them). Now, me on the other hand- I actually have to actively deny and prevent myself from inhaling a bag of cookies or whatever (I am having major cravings for sweet things specifically chocolate lately- don't really know why). At least I now have various incentives (like not gaining all the weight back :)) and tools to help me not fall back in these eating pitfalls and habits.

If and when does this ability to know our intake limits leave for some of us? I can't really remember when I really started having moderation problems related to food. We hardly had "bad" food in the house growing up so I didn't grow up with poor eating habits. I assume it happened around puberty? Is it hormonal? Is it stuff in our food? Is it emotional? Is it environmental? What is it? How can I help my girls not lose those bodily cues that help us with self-control in relation to eating?

Just a food related thought I have been thinking as of late and wanted to share...

Invert!

I did an invert last night!!! I did a two-handed Gemini! I was so excited, because I decided I would just give it a try and I did it!!! :):) Now I have to work up the strength and confidence to let go with one hand and then eventually both hands hanging upside down by my legs. Oh, boy! Too much fun! :) I also learned a few more spins last night and I am sure sore today, but it is a good feeling when you push your body and it responds.

I can't wait to do another round again. Have to tame my impatience. I want to get to my goal of 125 so bad!!! I know I am not ready and need another month or so to relax and maintain. I will get there though, all in good time. :) Hope everyone is doing well! I am thinking of you all!

Pole art

In addition to the usual connotations of pole dancing it can be an art form. Check out this video I just ran across and wanted to share. It is just beautiful!



Here is another one!

Vertical dance

It seems like I have been away forever! Sorry, everyone! I have been able to read posts here and there, but definitely not like I have in the past. I was getting addicted and obsessed with blogging and reading blogs. It was starting to affect other aspects of my life so I have been limiting my computer time significantly. However, I still value and appreciate the benefits I have acquired through blogging. The number one thing is the relationships I have with you all. So, I will not leave for good, just need to practice moderation. :)

Anyway, so what have I been up to? Well, various things among them a new exercise routine: Pole dancing! That's right! :) Now before you get any ideas as to a possible new profession :)... my husband got me an X-Pole for Christmas. I had heard of the new craze and was interested now that I didn't have a ton of weight to swing around anymore. :) He got it for me, and ladies let me just tell you it is AWESOME!!! I LOVE it! It exercises muscles you didn't even know you had and it is so much fun, which is more than I can say for my regular exercise machine. I like it because it provides major strength training and endurance without adding bulk to my muscles. I just get on YouTube and find lessons on how to do various spins, lifts, holds etc... I am getting most of the beginner moves down and hopefully someday I will be strong enough and confident enough to start doing inverted moves. Perhaps one day I will post a video of me doing some of these moves- maybe. ;)

Check out this link that mesmerized both my husband and me: REDKE71 She is so amazing! The video below showcases her first place win at a pole dancing competition.

Pictures from the past

I thought I would take a moment to dig up some pictures from the past. Some of them have never been seen by eyes other than my own until today, and others have been tagged photos of me on Facebook- to my horror. :) No, now they are kind of badges of honor or a source of inspiration.

Without further ado...

Me and my husband on our anniversary, last year on June 10th. About a month and a half before I started my first round. Never posted this picture.

July of last year. Yikes!

Last winter. Notice the braces. Oh, the joys of having braces as an adult. :)

At my friend's wedding in the summer of 2007. This photo is so embarrassing. I mean what was I thinking?! Cramming myself in a dress and jacket that didn't even come anywhere near fitting, seriously! But, my baby is just a little doll. :)

A couple weeks into Round 1 last summer.

Halloween 2006. This photo doesn't really reveal my weight, but check out my crooked teeth?! :( This was before braces and reconstruction work. I hated my smile. Oh, how I am so happy to have a nice smile now! Having my teeth finally fixed after many, many years has also been a huge factor in my confidence and overall transformation.

I can't believe I am sharing all these pictures, but it feels nice to not be all that bothered by the exposure. I guess that is the beauty of being 35-40 pounds away from the girl in the above photos.

I am really enjoying maintenance thus far with no anxiety or impatience about another round in the near future. It is nice to relax and not be so consumed with weight loss.

What I have learned through this process:

1. HCG is not for everyone. It happens to be for me (although I need a break right now), but make no mistake about it: there is not magical pill, injection or drops. :)
2. Dieting takes extreme focus and determination. If you don't have it, you might as well bag it until you do.
3. My advice for people thinking about taking HCG: Go as long as you can during Round 1 without going too many days- find a balance. If I could go back I would have gone 40-45 days.
   
4. Take longer breaks between rounds if you find you don't have the stamina. This does not mean you are a failure.
5. HCG is freaking awesome! Even though I hate it right now. :) Eventually, I will write a post on all the benefits of HCG I have observed.
   

And, the number one thing I have learned:

1. People care. People are willing to be there for you when you need support while losing weight. You all have been here for me, and the comments I received in the below post and all during this process are just phenomenal and truly helpful! Thank you, thank you!!! I would not have gained and grown as much from this experience if it were not for an outlet to learn, vent, whine, share, rejoice and describe my experience to people who really care.

Just part of the journey...

This post is going to suck to write, but I owe it all to you and myself.

I am quitting.... for now. This has just been a crazy battle with myself and I am weary. I don't know what I weigh at the moment for I have not weighed myself for three days. I started each morning out thinking: okay now I am serious, now I am ready to get done with this. But the day always ended in disaster. I stopped taking HCG this morning. I am doing an apple day right now. I will weigh myself tomorrow and then start the process of maintaining and trying out the steak day and other options during P3 to decrease and maintain weight.

I am just so frustrated with myself and I can't help but feel like Round 2 and 3 were complete failures. I know this really isn't true, but I have not really got anywhere. I mentioned to a friend and fellow HCG'er that I felt like I am under a jinx. Not to blame anyone, because ultimately it is up to me, but this is an interesting observation. During Round 1, I called my mom (after all she was the one who introduced me) after starting to feel really poorly (around Day 14- I had lost over 16 pounds by then). I wasn't eating all of my 500 calories and I had lost an insane amount of weight very quickly. She told me to eat for a couple of days to get my strength back up and that I should just be happy with a loss of 20 pounds. She said that I needed to rethink my goal because I have had kids and such, and my body was different somehow. She thought 160 was good enough for me. This is how she is. She doesn't even consider that it is not her body and it is not her place to determine when I should call it good. She said this almost as if she really didn't want me to look and feel any better.

So, this is where the jinx, hex or whatever comes in. I only get so far away from the weight determination she deemed appropriate for me and then I start cheating to up me back in weight... Well, she can kiss my skinny ass!!! I mean when did having kids become an excuse to just settle for a certain weight?

I will be exercising, eating right, weighing myself daily and enjoying life. Perhaps in March I will start another round, if need be. My husband and I are wanting to perhaps renew our vows this summer with a party that both of our families can attend (well minus my parents and sister, as I am sure they will not come. We invited them to the JP back 4 years ago and they nastily refused. I will send an invitation regardless). It will be our 5 year anniversary. See post: Steak Day & A Beautiful Dress. I can't wait to wear that dress! It is so incredibly beautiful, I just can't get it out of my head.

Whether well-founded or not, this is my plan. I wish I had better news, but this is it. This is how I will try and look at this segment of my weight loss story: just part of the journey...

I am not going anywhere though- I still have a lot to learn and share so this is not the end.