Dreaming

I am not going to lie it has been a rough several weeks. Tonight I had a burst of energy that made me almost forget the miserableness I have been going through. It was a weird burst of energy though. One where I didn't stop cleaning my house, but where at moments I would intermittently burst into tears? However, I have had a week where I felt like I really needed to cry and I just couldn't. So, it felt good. Crying is funny that way. It can be very healing and soothing sometimes.

Anyway, I am actually only about 11 weeks right now so not as far as I had originally thought. We had a sonogram (will post the pictures at some point). It was nice to see that it really is a tiny, little growing baby causing all the trouble and not some parasite or something. :)

I have not weighed for about 2 weeks. I am terrified. I thought I was fine for awhile and then all of the sudden I started fitting back into some of my larger sized clothing. :( Oh, man this pregnancy is going to be hard in the weight gain area. I just am not ready to get all big again. I am one of those women who get big and puffy all over- not just the cute pregnant belly. I guess it is difficult after you lose a lot of weight just to have it decimated within a matter of months or in my case weeks. I am a little overwhelmed also with the daunting 7 months ahead. It seems like such a long time to basically be on hold and dedicate my body to growing a baby. I never had these feelings with my first two, but this one is definitely different. Perhaps when I start feeling better these feelings will go away and I can just settle into the great work. :)

I am just lonely and stir crazy (and yet don't really want to be around anyone or do anything) and the weather we have been getting is not helping. We received a ton of snow yesterday (and it was thundering while it was snowing- you can never guess the weather here :)). And, we got some more snow this evening. I just want green, lilacs and warm sun. That is one of the symptoms I am having during this pregnancy- chills and fever. I can't regulate my temperature among other undesirable symptoms. Oh boy, I am such a whiner. But, hey this is a blog and you got to expect some of that. :)

I am dreaming of a spring to come to our neck of the woods soon and along with it relief from first trimester symptoms. So, I will leave you with a couple photos I took last spring of some flowers that will surely return to our backyard, I hope?! :) I was just thinking... I was still larger than what I am now last spring. Can't believe it is coming up on a year of successful weight loss on HCG?! Well, this time next year I should be nearing my goal again...