There comes a time in life when you could be on the verge of disaster... or perhaps greatness. I believe I am at one of those junctures (not to be dramatic- but that is how it feels to me at the moment). Anyway, the path diverges into two paths, or so I think. What really lies before me is a dizzyingly, confusing array of infinite paths changing constantly based on present causes and actions... blah, blah, blah :)
So to get right down to the point. I think I am going to start anew. A new blog. A new focus. This will be based on what determination I make now. I need to do something NOW to make a change in myself and in my life... for those around me who depend on me and love me. I also need to make some sort of change for myself. No one likes feeling down, stagnant, trapped or hopeless.
However, as I write these words they somehow ring empty, hollow. I have a tinge of feeling that I am just full of shit (for lack of better descriptors)--- that I won't do what is imperative- that I will continue to sit down- that I will fail because I failed to even try. I hate this feeling most... not really believing my own words... knowing deep down that perhaps I just really don't care.
Please let me be wrong and let me resolve to push the above feelings away and push on and forward--- get over this hump, get around this bend, get out of this rut, get out of this hole... whatever it is it has lasted far too long... and I need to get as far away from it as I can!
I just needed to send this out into the ether. I hope you all are well in whatever, wherever, and however you are... miss you all!
SOOO understand Caitlin... and I am sure that you have the will and the insight and the fortitude to do what needs to be done for YOU. You are an amazing woman! I will cheer you on if you need it!! ~Lis
ReplyDeleteI completely understand how you are feeling. I don't believe you don't care...just writing this shows you do care. But, for some reason lack of energy, time or just not knowing where to start is holding you back. You'll get there! And when you do, I'll be with Lis in the cheering section.
ReplyDeleteCrumpled Moments aka Autumnrose
Count me in your corner! I relate completely as to where you're at. As Lis pointed out, the fact you posted this shows you do care.
ReplyDeleteI believe in kismit. It's been months and months and months since I got onto blogger, whether to post, or to read (my blog was warning people of malware for some reason and I just ended up abandoning it, along with no longer seeing my fellow friends' blogs).
For some reason, I decided to try to post a SOPA picture in solidarity with today's blackout in protest of SOPA/PITA. The warning of malware was somehow gone! I looked to my fellow bloggers and was thrilled to see you'd recently posted too.
I feel led to you again being in such a similar space. I too have decided to start over. I'm in a very different place, with new challenges. It sounds like you are as well.
I love you! I'm so glad to see you back!
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