Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Goodbye, maternity pants!

...well, at least for today.  Yep, today I slipped on a pair of my old size 12 jeans... okay I squeezed into them- good ole' muffin top included :( (but my Moby Wrap covered it- got to look on the the bright side :)).  It felt so good to not have a bunch of stretchy material encompassing my midsection and slipping and sagging down every few minutes demanding readjustment.  Still have not weighed myself and don't plan on doing so until after the first of the year and even then I would like to only weigh myself when I am actually able to do something about it... ie. start a round of HCG when done nursing.

On the topic of nursing:  It has been going well all things considering.  Paine is such a good nurser and if ever I was going to exclusively nurse it would be with this baby, BUT...  I seriously only produce a max of 3-4 ounces a day, if that?  I have been taking herbs, pumping, seeking out La Leche leaders and nursing friends expertise, and receiving excellent one-on-one help and advice from my midwife and doula this whole entire time... but sometimes this is the case- no substantial milk production.  This is kind of depressing to me, especially when I pump and see barely a half an ounce filter into the container.  However, when I nurse Paine I am very happy and satisfied to give him what I can.  To see his little body nestled next to me needing and appreciating me and the closeness it brings a calm and love.  Nursing is a wonderful and yet surprisingly difficult thing.

I would also like to thank you all so much for all the comments below!  Birthing is amazing in all the ways it happens if only we provide for preparation and a different mindset for the mother and father.  I have been following Pam England's blog (see sidebar) and she has amazing insight in how to view all births... natural or otherwise as wonderful processes- so don't ever feel badly for how birth happened for you.  As an example- C-sections can be viewed as Cesarean births!  And, caregivers can give support and preparation for these types of births.  Over the course of learning about birth and how distorted our perception of the dangers have become I was frustrated and almost angry, with the fact that "they" took a natural, peaceful birth away from me when I had my girls.  But, now I understand it is more about standing up and changing our view for the now and forward on, not to blame and rather exert positive energy to the matter instead of throwing around negative feelings.  I hope, someday when my girls decide, if they choose to have children the look of obstetrics will look considerably different.   

Peace. :)

Many thanks to you all, again!  With love, yours truly!       

PS- We did finally settle on a middle name:  Paine Kanjin Murphy... Kanjin is a Japanese word meaningful in our sect of Buddhism.  It means: "Observation of one's mind"  


  1. I really like your little boys name. It sounds so strong! :-)

    You know better than me, but when I was nursing my babies, i was never able to pump more than an ounce at any given time. However, I nursed exclusively and on-demand, and my babies never seemed to be hungry or like they weren't getting enough. Its hard when it's the norm to hear--"my baby drinks 4 oz every 3 hours" and we breast doesn'$t have a measurement window, so I have no clue if they are getting 3 oz. but, as long as they seem satisfied at the end of the feeding, then you don't need to worry...
    Like I said though--you know better than I do if breastfeeding is enough for Paine. You are doing everything you can to give him enough breast milk and that's what's important. :-)
    He is such a cute cute baby!!!
    And GREAT job on the size 12's!!! woot woot. That's impressive so soon after giving birth! :-) I'm jealous.
    Meg in Utah

  2. Love your have a beautiful family and congratulations on your new addition to the family....You are truly blessed.

  3. Well bless my soul!. I've been telling the Legal Dude that we need to check in with you all because I knew the due date was round the corner...what a beautiful baby boy!! And great family photos! Sorry we didn't check in sooner: I just finished my four courses this semester, which kept me--literally--burning the midnight oil, and then some. (Today was my first post on my blog in two months so thought I would pop over to visit your site.) So I am so excited to see that you have a new addition to your beautiful girls--they look like they enjoy their baby brother. I will call in the next day or so and see if I can't stop by? to visit? Best to you and B. Hugs, K

  4. Hello there. I just stumbled onto your blog and I wanted to say I had that same problem with nursing. I have never been able to exclusively nurse. Never was able to pump more than half an ounce. You are not alone.